Seriously?!

As a baseball-loving gal lucky enough to work from home and hence have access to the TV whilst I work, the advent of the MLB channel has been particularly beneficial to me. I no longer have to make sure I stock up on DVR'd crime shows to watch in the afternoons when there is NOTHING on - channel 330 always has me covered. There's something about Matty Vasgergian's voice that is apparently conducive to coherent writing and solid productivity, as I swear to you I have gotten more work accomplished since the channel launched than I was able to complete in the previous six months combined.

Or perhaps it's the Adderall.

Crack?

Anyway, my point is that I love the new channel (although if they had shown the fucking 2004 ALCS just ONE more time back in late December when they were promoting the channel, my opinion might be different) and often keep it on in the background while I'm working. Such was the case today when, during the middle of a conference call, I see the words "Andruw Jones", "New York Yankees", "offer", "non-roster invitation", and "declined" scroll across the faithful news ticker.

The fuck?! I thought to myself as my coworkers fought about whether we should advertise a promotion as "through the end of February" or "while supplies last". Why the hell are the Yankees looking at more outfielders? And of all people, Andruw Jones? And really, Andruw? A minor league deal with a Spring Training invite is the best you can get these days? Wait, and if so, you turned it down? What, you think you're better than that? Seriously?

This guy?!

Unfortunately, as I mentioned, I was working and could not ponder the many things wrong with the scenario until now. I reminded myself to revisit it later and directed my focus back to work (I went with "As a special promotion from now through February 28..." for the article, in case you were wondering).

I'm finally done with work and able to sit down and contemplate this ridiculous story, and I am no closer to figuring out why any part of this happened than I was 5 hours ago. Let's review:

• The Yankees are really still looking for outfielders? There are currently SIX outfielders on the roster and last time I checked there are only three outfielding positions. You're telling me that between Matsui, Damon, Melky, Gardener, Swisher, and Nady, WE ARE STILL LOOKING?
  
• The Yankees are really still looking for outfielders and thought ANDRUW JONES might be superior to any one of those six?! Yes, Matsui will be mainly in the DH spot, and none of the other 5 are particularly stellar, but does anyone genuinely think that ANDRUW JONES is going to outperform Nady or Swisher? What's the plan here, are the Yankees just going to sign every able-bodied outfielder they can and then draw names on Opening Day?
• Did the Cash Man forget what year it was? Let me remind you: it's 2009, and Andruw not only STILL hasn't figured out how to spell his name but he is really, truly awful. I cannot think of one thing he would bring to the table that any one of the other idiots we have could not.
• A non-roster invitation is the best Boras could drum up for Jones? Holy smokes the economy is hitting MLB hard. Sure, he sucks, but players like him get signed all the time.
  
• ...and then he turned it down?! Seriously? Allow me to speak directly to Boras: what sort of deal do you think you're going to drum up for this client of yours if not a minor-league contract? You do realize that we're talking about a man who batted .158 with three home runs and 14 RBIs in 75 games last season, right?
  
• Remember when the Yankees valued Melky so much they were hesitant to include him in a trade package for Johan Santana? And now we think Andruw Jones might do a better job? The poor Melkster has fallen quite a ways in the eyes of the Cash Man over the past 18 months or so.
  
• Yikes, what if he had said YES to the invitation and then made the roster!?
  

There is nothing about this story that makes sense, and I'm disgusted by the whole thing. There was no point in the Yankees making the offer in the first place and Boras had no business turning it down. I'm alternately insulted by the Yankees for wasting my time and then by Boras and Jones for thinking they're worth more. And the worst part is, simply by offering this deal to Andruw Jones the Yanks are effectively telling the world that they're still on the hunt for more interchangable, horrible outfielders!

No offense to you personally, Damon/Melky/Gardener/Nady/Swisher/Jones.