The season has only been in full swing for two weeks, but the Bronx Bombers have already managed to amaze me. No, I'm not talking about their offense, which has been solid and a joy to watch; I'm also not talking about their pitching, because if you consider heart palpitations amazing, then this too has been a thrill so far. Nay, it is the obscene numbr of Yankees that have already managed to harm themselves that so fires up the Yankees Chick. Luckily, I am a board-ceritifed MD, and I'm generous enough to volunteer my medical recommendations free of charge.

Chien-Ming Wang: Strained right hamstring. My medical advice is to ice that sucker down, pop two vicodin and wash it down with some Gatorade, because Carl Pavano can't lead this team on his own. Oh shit, he's injured too?

Carl Pavano: Soreness in forearm and elbow. It doesn't look too serious, so don't give up hope. He's a fragile man, and all he needs is a big (GENTLE) hug, and some encouraging words. You can do it Carl!

Hideki Matsui: Strained hamstring. Not that the Yanks are hurting for offensive power, but we need our four solid outfielders. Sorry Kevin Reese.

Jeff Karstens: Elbow stiffness. Our pitchers are dropping like flies, making Karsten's return as a viable backup starter even more critical. Wrap his arm up in an Ace bandage, and give him one of Wang's Vicodins.

Even though many fans will say it's still early in the season, the games in April count the same as the games in the fall. Luckily, none of these injuries seem like season-enders (hopefully...I can't guarantee anything), so we should (again, hopefully) see the Yankees back to full health soon.