If you feel like you've been waiting forever for Glavine, Balco B, and Sir A-Rod to reach their respective milestones, I've got good news for you: your wait is 2/3 over. ESPN has been bombarding us all with obnoxious "Milestone Watch" coverage day in and day out, and while I of course like to see a moment of baseball triumph as much as the next gal (or guy, or anyone in between [I do not want to isolate my hermaphrodite fans]), I have been eagerly anticipating the guys' milestones as much for the cessation of the coverage as for the thrills itself.

Since you are obviously connected to the internet somehow, I'm sure you already know that both A-Rod and Bonds hit homers yesterday, Bonds' finally tying him with Hank Aaron and A-Rod's making him the youngest player (by quite a margin) to get to 500. A-Rod hit his big homer off Kyle Davies - a man who is now destined to have his name appear on tv screens every time A-Rod's career landmarks are discussed - on the first pitch he saw Saturday (before his f-ing crazy wife even made it to the stadium!), and he seemed more than just a smidge relieved to have all that pressure finally alleviated. Sadly for A-Rod, the excitement over his achievement was eclipsed just hours later when Balco B finally hit #755 down in San Diego, but like most people I don't envision the Bondster holding that record for many years. Instead of dwelling on the big-headed asterisk monster, let's instead return our focus to the most talented man in the game - our own (for the time being) Alex Rodriguez. His career accolades and accomplishments are much too great in number to even begin to summarize here, so let's instead pay homage to the man by seeing how the rest of the baseball universe reacted to his big hit:

Big Stein: "This was a fantastic, monumental achievement."

Joe Torre: "This (500) is not a destination for him, this is a stopoff. I'm proud to be in the dugout with him. He's certainly going to stand tall with other guys who have worn the pinstripes."

Johnny Demon: "I think there was a lot of relief. The changing of the balls with the umpires, and the 3-1 sliders, and all those tough pitches. The pitchers did a great job, and I'm glad he got to jump on the first pitch he saw today. He had tremendous backspin on it. He didn't hit it as well as he could, but he just got enough." [Sorry it wasn't good enough for you Johnny. When was the last time YOU hit a ball past the pitcher?]

Kyle Davies: "I was trying to get a double play, a sinker down and in, and the ball came back over the middle a little bit. It's probably not the right pitch to him."

Barry Bonds (no, really): "Alex, I'm rooting for you. I'll be there for you. I'm praying for you. It's very tough."

...And finally, a few words from A-Rod on A-Rod:

"To do it at home and to wear this beautiful uniform that I appreciate and respect so much, it's special. New York is a special place. I've had my trials and tribulations here in New York, I've learned from them. I've had some great times, I've had some good times and I've had some tough times. A day like today kind of brings it full circle. Maybe there's a happy ending for me somewhere." [Big Stein needs to get on the horn with A-Rod while he's in an "I like New York" mood and somehow coerce him into signing an extension with the team...]

And what about the ball itself?! "I really want it back. But if not, I congratulate [Walter Kowalczyk] for catching it. Nice catch."