Happy 2008, my delightful friends and foes! I hope your night was one of wholesome Monopoly-playing and included neither drunken debauchery nor sobbing over a glass of champagne about your relationships/work/weight/family/lack of Spice Girls reunion show tickets. Many folks look at the dawn of a new year as a time to take stock of their lives and make a commitment to change (commitments that will be forgotten by February 1st or at the latest the beginning of Spring), and I see no reason why a baseball club shouldn't do the same. The Yanks have been working on improving the team all off-season, of course, but I think that making some solid resolutions - and sticking with them at least through the summer - couldn't hurt.

Top Ten New Years Resolutions The Yanks Should Consider

10) Burn Giambi's glove so that if Girardi gets confused and accidentally tries to have him play first base, Jason will have to say "no can do, boss"
9) Allow the Cash Man to actually speak every once in a while (that one is directed at YOU, Hank and Halitosis)
8) Shove Pavano in a box and deny his presence on the team (kinda like last year!)
7) Now that Torre is gone, try not to blow out a reliever's arm by June
6) Do something to honor Bernie (remember him?). Give him a job or something. Retire his number. Let him play some guitar during the national anthem perhaps?
5) Keep an eye out for pitching in foreign markets, like this dude
4) Prevent the Sox from getting Santanamania. I don't care if the YANKS get him, but if Boston gets him that will prove very troublesome. Pull some strings and Svengali that lad on over to the Mets
3) Make a huge effort to throw some public support behind A-Rod. He was under enough scrutiny the last few years BEFORE he opted out and then became the highest player in the history of the universe, and if he is going to succeed in New York for the next 97 years (or however long that contract is), his sensitive soul is going to need some positive reinforcement. A little "we love him on the team!" PR could go a long way here.
2) If the team makes it to the playoffs (I'd like to say "when", but let's not get all cocky and start assuming things mmkay?!), start acting like the division series is as important as the World Series. It really seems to me that for the past few years they've been approaching the ALDS like it's a few silly practice interim games they will breeze through on their way to the next round, and we know how THAT'S been turning out (not well, if you're new around here).
1) Actually keep a couple of these resolutions...



Read last week's Top Ten: Big Stein's Christmas Dreams