Get it? That's what's called "topical humor" in the comedy world. Of which I am not a part.

The illustrious Carl Pavano, who during his four years with the Yankees spent more time at the DL Resort and Casino than the rest of the organization combined - and that includes the oft-ailing Big Stein - will NOT be returning to the team in 2009. Rather than signing him up for another year of non-service to the tune of $13 mil, the team bought him out for a little under $2 million. That's right, Other 29: it's your lucky day! You can have him! Enjoy!

The sad thing is, with so many teams desperately needing pitching, C-Pav is guaranteed to get a deal somewhere. Fun!

So now that he's officially out, let's commence the discussion of who his rotation replacement(s) will be.

As of right now, there are SEVERAL open spots in the rotation. Moose is most likely not coming back, Pettitte's status is up in the air (although it sounds like he wants to return), and whether either Hughes or Kennedy will be worth the cost of laundering their jerseys remains to be seen - and the Cash Man has already said they'll be looking for not one man but two.

My pick, you ask? I'm rooting for another guy who just joined the FA market today: AJ Burnett. At first glance he's not quite as desirable as CC, BUT his asking price is going to be lower and he doesn't appear to be in danger of developing obesity-related diabetes any time soon. Also, as a veteran AL East-er we already know he can hack it against the competition that the Yankees face yearlong. He wouldn't be an ace, most likely, but he's a solid talent and would make a huge impact on the team.

Of course, he has his own history of a love for the DL Resort and Casino, which we must keep an eye on...

In fact, just typing that made me re-think my desire for him.

Thoughts?

Q: Now that everyone from the Wangster to Dan freakin' Geise is injured and I-Ken has no immediate plans to turn himself into a viable major league pitcher, who would you like to see inserted into the rotation?

A: Too bad - You get Carl Pavano.

You heard me (read me, whatevs), munecas. The big CP has been rehabbin' and just might make a triumphant (in this case, triumphant is a synonym for "humiliating" or "unwanted") return to pinstripes sometime very soon. His rehab assignment is nearing its completion, and once it's done the Yankees have to activate him - unless they can conjure up some excuse to keep him rehabbing (or, more likely, unless he injures himself getting on the plane back to NYC [smothered by a $5 JetBlue blanket?]). Unless IPK throws a no-hitter or a witch doctor anoints Wang with some magical healing tonic within the next couple days, necessity will probs bring the Alyssa Milano castoff back to the Bronx.

To be fair... he's looked alright in his rehab starts. He pitched 6 innings in Trenton today and allowed just 1 run on 6 hits with 1 walk, and he managed to strike out 6 as well. His Tommy John surg obviously went well enough and at least no tendons/fingernails/eyelashes got damaged during the healing process and practice starts. I don't think anyone really WANTS to depend on him in this terribly crucial point in the season, when every game is essentially a must-win, but what choice do we have?

Maybe he performs really, really well under a lot of pressure. Perhaps during the TJ surg the doc replaced his tendon not with a new one but with a bionic prosthesis allowing him to pitch up to 300mph at his whim. Or maybe I've been wrong all along and there not only IS a god but he is a CP fan and has just been waiting to bless him until this very moment.

Sidenote: Which is more likely: the existence of god or the possibility that he would be a CP supporter?

Anyway. Back to the matter at hand. Assuming he comes back within the next week or so, he'd probably be on tap for just 5 or 6 starts (unless they make it to the playoffs and we're forced to watch him serve up 234890234890 homers to Vladdy). Despite my (feeble attempt at) jokes, I don't think it'll be such a horrible thing. It will put a lot of pressure on the offense, but he can't possibly be worse than Kei Igawa or the new FAIL model of IPK.

What dost thou thinkest?

Would You Rather See CP in the Rotation or...
	IPK
	Hughsie
	Igawa
	Where the F is Joba?
	Jose Canseco
	CP is Fine
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Update: He might be making an appearance as soon as Saturday: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3541625

Are you ready to rumble?

Bad news, folks: Carl Pavano's Patented Pain Plague has claimed another victim, striking down the Wangster with a bum foot.

The injury occurred during the 6th inning when Wang rounded third to score on a 2-run single courtesy of the Jeet. Wang was on base thanks to a badly-executed bunt that resulted in a fielder's choice, and by the time Jeet was up Wang had made it to second. With two outs he was running at the crack of the Jeter's bat; he had a good jump and scored easily, but his lack of base-running experience screwed him as he made the 90 degree turn. As Moose explained, pitchers just are only used to running in straight lines (actual quote) - turning is apparently too advanced for them.

Wang will be getting an MRI tomorrow, but Girardi has already said he'd be surprised if Wang managed to make his next start. When asked how he was feeling, he summed it up most eloquently: "It hurts."

The Yanks won the game anyway thanks to a sweet combination of hot bats, good relief pitching (!) and some sloppy pitching from the 'Stros, but the injury cast a bit of a cloud over the otherwise happy day - the win put them 4 games over .500 for the first time all year.

There's really no point in speculating on who might replace him until the MRI results are in... but let's do it anyway. With IPK and Hughsie hanging out at the DL Resort and Casino the Yanks have already had to do some shuffling to fill out the rotation, giving Rasner a shot and transitioning Joba into starter-ville perhaps a little soon than originally planned. Who is left? I have a bad feeling we'll be seeing Kei "You thought I'd be a poor man's Dice-K? Fail!" Igawa back in pinstripes within the week.

I'm sorry.

I was up until 7:00 watching and live-bloggin' the Red Sox-A's game, and the YC is a sleepy girl. Nevertheless, I am dedicated to my bloggity and must persevere with our regularly scheduled Top Ten Tuesday.

Top Ten YCPOSTTF (Yankees Chick Players of Spring Training Thus Far... get with the program munecas)

10) Kei Igawa. Yeah, you read that right. I still think the Yanks should cut their losses and cut him from the team, but at least he hasn't humiliated himself this spring. He's made four appearances (six innings) and given up seven hits and three earned runs.
9) Farnsworthless. Yes, you read that right as well. He was going to be on the roster no matter how pathetic he was this spring, so the fact that he's done well is just a nice little surprise. 2.25 ERA 7 appearances.
8) Scott Paterson. He's never pitched above AA level, but he's vying for one of the open spots on the roster and making a case for himself - no earned runs in six innings.
7) Bobby Abreu. He's reminding us why the Yanks exercised his option by hitting .405 this spring.
6) Shelley the Spirit Coordinator. Let's chalk the stupid groin slide up to a little over-excitedness/forgotten Ritilin dose and focus on the .390 average and .419 OBP.
5) I-Ken. When the Yanks made him off-limits during the Santanamania trade talks we saw just how much the Yanks valued him; this spring anyone that wasn't convinced of his projected value should be by now. In 22.2 innings he's given up just 4 earned runs.
4) Jason Giambi. .417, 3 dubs, 3 homers and 8 RBI. Primed for a contract year!
3) A-Rod. Still no signs that the off-season excitement has affected his delicate psyche. In 34 at-bats he's amassed a .434 average with an .853 slugging percentage. That is very good, in case you were unaware.
2) Robby Cano. He was three for four today and such performances have become the norm this spring. He's hitting .464 now with 5 doubles, 2 homers and 19 RBI. I'm smelling a batting title...
1) Carl Pavano. 12 minutes.

Read last week's Top Ten: Most Popular Yankees Chick Posts

Is it just me, or does there seem to be an exorbitant amount of folks already making their way to DL-ville? We've seen everything from Busted wrists to anal fissures - and NO, that is NOT a joke, sadly - and the season hasn't even started! There have been enough boo-boos to make even good ol' Carl "Seriously, I am Like The Brady Bunch Tiki Idol" Pavano raise an injured eyebrow.

Top* Ten Injuries Thus Far...

10) Curt Schilling's shoulder situation. Sorry, Sox: no return policy.
9) Hunter Pence's full-body slice-up. Hello, door!
8) Mike Hampton's strained whatever-it-is-this-time. He's the Pavano of the Braves without the $8092430891290 salary.
7) Brandon McCarthy's forearm inflammation, which may rocket Sidney Ponson into the Rangers' rotation. Yeah, that's a team destined for success.
6) Noah Lowrey's exertional compartment syndrome. There's a dirty joke in there somewhere.
5) Jordan Tata's self-induced broken finger. He must be a Kevin Brown fan.
4) Josh Beckett's strained back. Any chink in that rotation armor is good for the Yanks.
3) Brad Lidge's knee issue. BAD way to start off with your new team.
2) Felix Pie's twisted testicle. The worst part is going to be the shit he'll get from his teammates. And bloggers. And fans. And family. And doctors.
1) Kaz Matsui's anal fissures. That's all I have to say about that.

*I suppose "top" isn't quite the right word to use here... but the gimmick is Top Ten Tuesdays, not A List of Stuff Tuesdays.


Read last week's Top Ten: Employable Unemployed or Underemployed Dudes

February is drawing to a close, and as we head into March, I must say that all seems right in the world at long last. I've been sprung from the clink, the boys are throwing the ball around down in Tampa, and Pavano has made his annual weak "See, world? I'm totally still a pitcher! Change my label from "Pavano must die" to "Pavano must LIVE" again, YC!" performance. Perhaps I'm simply projecting my glee over being free from the clutches of doctors (not to mention phlebotomists, YC's blood's mortal enemy), but I am feeling ridiculously positive about the upcoming season - and I think y'all should feel the same way. Need a reason? I've got ten of them!

Top Ten Reasons To Be Optimistic About The 2008 Yanks:

10) I-Ken
9) Joe Girardi
8) Santana is safely sequestered in Queens
7) Posada's still looking sharp. Age shmage.
6) Hughsie
5) There are no talks of bringing Bonds to the team.
4) Joba.
3) The Steinbrothers have shown they are not as quick as Papa to make big trades.
2) They are hungry for a title. Starving. Salivating. (Now I'm starving... for In N Out).
1) A-Rod.


Read last week's Top Ten: Baseball-Related Stuff I Miss

I've been "hanging out" here in the hospital (and on the fun-o-meter, in case you were wondering, I rank the hospital a few notches above gravedigging, and about 234628736482734874 below a trip to Disneyland) for about a week now, and the lack of all the comforts of home is really starting to get to the YC. No Dr. Pepper, no DVR, and worst of all, no baseball.

Top Ten Baseball Related Things I'm Missing

10. Checking mlbtraderumors.com incessantly in hopes of some miraculous Pavano for Dr. Pepper trade.
9. My morning scan of various baseball blogs, including Deadspin, FanHouse, Peter Abraham, and Something Awful (I know SA ain't a baseball, or even sports blog- and actually, probs more of a website than a blog- but I always include it in my morning blog readin', so it's on this list. Deal with it, suckas.)
8. Sportscenter, despite the fact that at the present time the only baseball commentary they provide surrounds Roger Clemens. They'll come around soon enough. I hope.
7. Arguing/debating with people about teams, trades, prospects, stats, or even the hotness of Doug Mientkicantspellhisname's wife. Doctors aren't too keen on me interrupting a conversation about blood work with "So, do you think Girardi is up to the pressure that comes with managing a team full of both revered veterans and spirited youngsters?"
6. The Dugout.
5. Cheap Seats on ESPN Classic. Even if they're not watching a baseball event, you can count on my Sklar boys to slip in a Steve Garvey joke or two.
4. Stalking you readers by looking at my referrer tracker 100 times a day to see how you found your way here. Did you click a link on deathtoyankeeschick.com? Was I a search engine result when you Googled "moderately amusing baseball blog to look at while I wait for 5PM so I can finally leave work"?
3. Posting Fun Fact 'O the Day. I don't even know if any of y'all ever scan your eyeballs ever so slightly to the right to allow your corneas, retinas, rods and cones take in the fact and accompanying photograph, but I'll tell you this: I so enjoy searching for interesting and/or funny factoids and pictures that I would continue to post those simply for my own amusement.
2. Spring training. I really did want to go.
1. Googling "Pavano". Try it, it's fun!


Read last week's Top 10: Pitching Busts.

The Yankees have made some ugly signings over the years. This is not to say that other teams are immune to busts and lack of foresight, but over the course of my lifetime it seems that the Yanks take the cake (I don't like cake) when it comes to acquiring pitchers that prove to be huge busts. HUGE, disappointing, borderline insanity-inducing, busts. Feel free to shed a tear or two. I know I have.


Top Ten Biggest Pitching Busts I've Witnessed In My Lifetime*

10) Mike Stanton
9) Andy Hawkins
8) Jeff Weaver
7) Kei Igawa
6) Randy Johnson
5) Jaret Wright
4) Kevin Brown
3) Farnsworthless
2) Hideki Irabu
1) Pavano


*Technically I did not "witness" some of these as I was born in 1983 and obviously just a wee schoolgirl... but you know what I mean.


Read last week's Top Ten: Happy Memories From the 2007 Season

In addition to my usual Yankees Chick posts, I have also begun writing a bit for AOL's FanHouse blog. I will post the beginnings of those articles here on YC, and then you'll have to click the link to jump on over to FH to read the rest... stick with me here, amigos!
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Great news, Yankees fans: Carl Pavano has arrived at the Yanks' minor league complex in Tampa and actually touched a baseball for the first time in approximately one year (I was about to type "two years", but then I remembered his glorious performance on opening day last year -- and on that note, baseball fans, one year later I still find it amusing that circumstances forced him into the starting role on day one)!

Lest you get too excited, please note that his "workout" consisted of playing catch for precisely 12 minutes, and it took two sessions to get that clock up to that total 12 minutes.

Continue Reading Carl Pavano Is Back to Attack!

In case you've forgotten, Carl Pavano is a jackass. His injured body is permanently crumpled into the corner of DL-ville and yet his wallet continues to expand with the steady flow of cash being heaped upon him by Big Stein and the Gang. He has inspired such fiery rage inside my Yankees Chick heart that my feelings for him have actually surpassed anger and even disgust and instead lie somewhere in the vicinity of vengeful, spite-filled fury.

Last year, I explained that Pavano is far more than just a busted Yankee. His name is also synonymous with some concepts you might be familiar with:

Pavano
Pa-va-no [Puh-VAH-no]

Noun.

1. A chronically injured baseball player: Carl Pavano has been a pavano for most of his time with the Yankees.
2. A money pit requiring millions of dollars and offering little return: Wow, this old fixer-upper house we bought sure is turning out to be a pavano- we've been working on it for years and it's still not habitable!
   
3. An unwanted long-term commitment: I had to sign a lease for my apartment; it’s a total pavano since I can’t move for a year even though I found a cheaper, more attractive place to live.

Verb

1. To injure oneself in a strange, unconventional manner: I pavanoed when I tripped over a pile of cotton balls, fell into a large trampoline, and catapulted onto the roof of my dog’s house; I broke my left leg, 3 ribs and my right pinky finger.
   
2. To disappoint people; not live up to expectations: I did not want to pavano, so I showed up to work early on my first day and worked late on a special assignment.
3. To avoid manual labor at any cost, including inflicting injuries on oneself to disqualify one from performing said labor: Jimmy was sick of his tough job as a carpenter, so he pavanoed by intentionally contracting avian flu.
   

Say it with me now, amigos: Pavano es un pendejo! Normally I don't concern myself too much with the Yank's payroll - they have the money and bring in boatloads of revenue for the league, so what the hell is the difference to me? - but the fact that Pavano is earning money like it's going out of style year in and year out makes me sick to my stomach. I would rather see Big Stein spend that money on gold plating for his dishwasher* than have it continue to be fund Pavano's surgery-spree (break two bones, get the next one fixed free).

Yes, he's a waste of space. And money. Even more useless than...


Top Ten Useless Dudes I'd Rather Have On The Yanks Than Pavano

10) Royce Clayton
9) Julio Franco
8) Morgan Ensberg
7) Marcus Giles
6) Armando Benitez
5) Mike Hampton
4) Jeff Weaver
3) Nick Punto
2) Julio Lugo
1) Jaret Wright


Read Last Week's Top Ten: Tampa Dreams!


*I could probably do a whole Top Ten just on things I'd rather see Stein spend money on than some of these losers **

**Let's hope I never get THAT desperate for content***

***I have been very asterisk-happy this past week or so! Delicious!

The Yankees have been relatively quiet on the roster-shake-ups front this year, and the only major signings they made all involved folks who were already Yanks - no big trades, no newbie free agents picked up. If they end up busting some moves to woo the Twins and Santanamania that would be big news, of course, but thus far most of the excitement has come via "The Other 29". There have been many a trade and signing made, and some of them have made us baseball fans scratch our heads in wonder or even let out a hearty chuckle. A lot of money was spent (surprise surprise!) and not all wisely, and a lot of lopsided trades were also executed. Some of them stand out as particularly poor choices, though...


Top Ten Moves That Methinks Will Be Regretted

10) Estrada for Mota swap: This could be looked at as a simple swap of some unimportant role players that their respective previous teams neither wanted nor needed, but I think the Mets made a mistake in picking Estrada as their catcher - even if it was just a "contingency plan" - when a very willing and New York-lovin' Lo Duca sitting right there practically begging for a spot on the team. Shortly thereafter they ended up non-tendering the boy, so I suppose they got the last laugh.
9) Carlos Silva misjudgment: What do you get when you add 28 (years old) + 4.31 (ERA) + 1.37 (WHIP) - $44,000,000? An overpaid average starting pitcher.
8) Francisco Cordero closer caper: The Reds were in need of a closer and Cordero is certainly a fine pitcher, but he snookered Cincy into giving a 32-year-old a 4-year deal worth $46 mil. It seemed crazy to some to give Mariano $43 million for 3 years, and that's MARIANO.
7) Scott Linebrink signing: He's going from the best pitching park to one that favors hitters. Furthermore, he's already 31, and 4 years seems risky to me.
6) Ozzie Guillen re-up: Dudes. This man is CRAZY TOWN USA. He got lucky in 2005 with an un-beatable team that could have won under the leadership of a donkey; I would not attribute any successes the Sox have had to this maniac.
5) Torrii Hunter mega-contract: $90 million when you've already got a surplus of outfielders...?
4) Aaron Rowand deal: The Giants have no business investing $60 mil into a 5-year deal with a 30-year old when they won't be in contention for at least the next few years anyway.
3) Lastings Milledge trade: I've said it before and I'll say it again: The Mets are the new old Yankees.
2) Kaz Matsui idiocy: Yes, he was fantastic in Japan and had a swell 2007, but come on 'Stros. Hitching your wagon to that star for 3 years?
1) Carl Pavano Not Somehow Being Eliminated: I understand that it's highly unlikely that anyone would have traded more than some loose change or perhaps a bag of leaves for him, but it still would have been nice (nay, glorious!) if Hank et al could have figured out something to do with him. They did make an effort to pay him off and send him to the minors to free up a roster spot, but the beast wouldn't have it. Blimey!


How about you lovelies... what are your picks?

Read last week's Top Ten: New Year's Resolutions

It's been a while since I have mentioned Carl Painvano, but that certainly does not mean that I have forgotten about him. Quite the opposite, in fact... each time the Santanamania or "what are we gonna do with with Joba, I-Ken, and Hughsie? Trade? Put 'em all in the rotation? Use Joba's magic in the bullpen like last year??" questions pop up I'm forced to remember the fact that the Yankees still have that walking disaster on their hands (and roster). The Yankees have not forgotten him either (though all last season it really seemed like they were doing their very best to deny his existence and place on the team), and as Spring looms closer and they desperately need room on the active roster to add the players that will actually be playing and, you know, contributing to the team. The trouble for the Yanks at the moment with this situation - I mean, aside from just having to be associated with that beast - is that during the off-season they cannot hide him on the DL. The DL essentially/effectively does not exist during the off-season. All players on the 60-day DL, where Pavano has been spending his days, have to be returned to the active roster... and his presence, obviously, means that there is one less spot for a real player. The re-signings of Mo, Jorgie Porgie Pudding and Pie, Abreu, Pettitte, etc, have already forced some dudes off the roster - Bronson Sardines, Rasner, etc - but the Yanks know that if they could get Painvano off the list that would be ideal (I think at this point pretty much everyone would rather have anyone on the roster in Pavano's place), but they really don't have many options. The "solution" they came up with a few weeks ago was to offer to pay Pavano the rest of the money he is owed and try to get him to agree to go "rehab" (indefinitely) down in the minors. The moron balked at the idea, though - I guess getting $12.95 million to do jack shit when you have already done nothing for the team doesn't sound like a decent deal.

Help.

It's Tuesday, I've got Ten things, and they are Top. Get it? Groovy.

Top Ten Yanks I Hate
10) Jaret Wright (money pit)
9) Gary Sheffield (batshit crazy and paranoid hater-of-everyone)
8) Kenny Lofton (see above)
7) Jeff Weaver (scowler)
6) Hideki Irabu (nothing but trouble)
5) Carl Pavano (steroids; overall suckage)
4) Kyle Farnsworthless (dumbass)
3) Bubba Crosby (waste of roster spot; was rude to me in person)
2) Bob Wickman (homophobe)
1) Kevin Brown (steroids; wall-puncher)

Read last week's Top Ten: Reasons the Yanks Lost in the First Round (again)

A-Rod has been to the post-season 7 times (10 series total) during his 14 seasons - 3 years with Seattle and now 4 with the Yanks - and he's come out of those series with the unfortunate stigma of a man who simply cannot get it done in October. His reputation as a post-season underachiever has mainly come about during his tenure as a Yankee, in large part due to the extremely high level of pressure all Yanks endure, particularly in the post-season where expectations are most inflated. Everyone from Red Sox Nation to the beacon of journalistic dignity that is the New York Post has jumped on the "A-Fraud Choke Artist lolz cleverz" and I don't think there's a Yanks fans in all of Yanksville that hasn't cringed with disappointment during at least a couple of his post-season at-bats. That said, I do think there's a lot of us residents of Yanksville that honestly don't think he's all that much of a failure when October comes around; in fact, if we get off our lazy asses and look at the numbers (wait, we can remain on our lazy asses - opening a new browser does not require getting up, whew!) we'll see that he has actually had a few great post-season series... just not recently.

Ok, he admittedly hasn't helped the Yanks' cause much since the 2004 season (maybe he was crushed like the rest of us after the team's choke?). Even taking the last 3 years into account, though, he really has only had one series where he truly failed to contribute: the 2006 ALDS, when he got just 1 hit in 14 at bats and didn't even eek out a walk in there. Every other year, though, his OBP has at least been respectable, and he's certainly had some impressive years slugging-wise. He ain't no Mr. October (and hey, even that dude had a couple disappointing series) or Jeter Jeter Pumpkin Eater, but what the hell. Sometimes I just feel like strangling anyone devaluing him because of a couple bad Octobers. His talent is unbeatable. Go mock someone else... Pavano, perhaps - I can absolutely get behind that.

Like most of us Yanks fans, I have a lot to say about the team’s loss, the reasons behind it (chokes, chokes, and more chokes [and NO, not just A-Rod]), and the ramifications of yet another early bow-out, but before we get to that I think it is imperative that we discuss some of the highlights of the team’s year.

Yes, they blew it in the post-season. Yes, several players had slumpsville years and even more were affected by the near-fatal and highly contagious injury plague spread by Carl “Yeah dudes I’m totally still on this team, remember me?” Pavano. Yes, Torre, mismanaged the bullpen on many, many occasions. Yes, the Cash Man and Big Stein made a big mistake in signing Kei Igawa for anything more than five American dollars. It’s a long off-season, though, so we’ll have plenty of time to commiserate over the misfortunes. For now, let’s look past all that and think about some of the brighter days for just a few minutes!

Remember when…

Let's add to this list... help me out, Yanks fans. Regale us with more tales of glory that happened to the Yanks in 2007 down in the comment section. Good stuff only for now - I will post a "depression/moaning/crying/blaming" bitch-fest later on tonight after which you will all be welcome to discuss the failures. For now: happy stuff only!

Yankees detractors are big fans of carrying on about the team’s alleged “Two Million Dollar Payroll” (exaggerators… it’s only $195,229,045, come on now). Despite the fact that the team’s ability to afford the monster contracts can be directly attributed to their popularity and history of accomplishments – which, of course, is in large part due to the big players they can wrangle in with that big payroll; it’s like the circle of life except with baseballs and cash dollars – and the glaring reality that there are several teams that are creeping up towards Yankees-style payroll, folks continue to stubbornly hold on to some bizarre abhorrence of that payroll. The apparent consensus amongst these money-haters is that a team investing so much money should be invulnerable to injuries and slumps and is obligated to win every single game.

This attitude makes me a very bitter Yankees Chick. I am so sick of hearing people snicker and snidely remark “that’s the best you can do with your $200 million payroll?” I certainly understand that higher-paid players come with elevated expectations, and I absolutely identify with the sentiment of “buyer’s remorse” or “what the hell, we ain’t gettin’ what we paid for here” when players are a bust (I’m looking at you, Carl Pavano… not literally, of course, because you’re probably in surgery for some ailment or another at this very moment), but the use of that blanket statement is simply out of hand. It seems ridiculous to even type this, because it is so obvious, but my lovelies, there are so many factors affecting a team’s overall record besides money. Money cannot prevent line drives from breaking pitchers’ hands, or every molecule of matter in Painvano’s body from crumbling into dust, or Johnny Demon deciding that this year would be a good year to just relax and hit .260. Referring to the Yankees as “underdogs” probably sounds silly, but the way this year has gone has made them seem like some scrappy kids struggling to stay competitive with the big kids. I know it’s tough to ignore the expectations of a mega-jillion-dollar payroll, but I think the team has accomplished some impressive stuff in spite of all the injuries and first-half depression.

• An old man came back from “retirement” (again) and made a big impact on the team, pitching well and serving as a good role model for the youngsters.
• 2 kids barely out of college breezed through the minors and came up to provide pitching support just in the nick of time. Joba pitched 17 straight innings without allowing an earned run, and Kennedy has a 1.89 ERA in 3 starts.
• In his 2nd outing for the team, Hughes was almost 7 innings into a no-hitter… before he got injured.
• Jorgie Boy pulled through with the performance of a lifetime.
• A-Rod gave the horrid booing fans plenty of reason to shut the hell up, putting up great numbers AND undeniably clutch hitting.
• Andy Pettitte came back for a second round of the NY life and proved himself to be just as good – if not better – than the last time he was here.
• Shelley Duncan is… hilarious (new official job title: Spirit Coordinator)
  

All that’s left to make this a true “moving story about underdogs coming from behind in the last weeks of the season to capture the hearts of the nation” tale is a World Series win.

Oh… and maybe a discovery that the payroll is really only like $75 million. Makes for a better story.

No one can argue that it has been a most tumultuous season for the dear Yankees (and for us fans, who have been subjected to nothing short of grim torture as we watch each and every wayward pitch, strikeout, failed stolen base attempt, and broken hand), and people have found been no shortage of scapegoats to blame for the exorbitant number of unexpected losses. Obviously while various players were slumping – Abreu, Cano, Demon, Giambi, Kevin Maas, et al – we could toss some blame in their respective directions, and the Cash Man took the fall for some bad deals (see Pavano, Carl and -ina, Moose), but Mr. Joe “Turn That Hallmark Commercial Off, I Might Cry” Torre has been hit the hardest with the wrath of fans and media-folk. There have been firing rumors swirling around the Torrester every year after the Yankees blew it in the post-season (AKA every year since 2000), and while the Yanks were struggling (AKA failing miserably and embarrassing us all just by association) earlier in the season one would have been hard-pressed to find a person willing to defend the poor old man (except me!).

So what, pray tell, are we to make of this:
----CONTENDER: Joe Torre, Yankees: This is the second time in three seasons that Torre's calm-but-forceful leadership has steered the Yankees back from the brink of early-season disaster. In 2005, when he drove a team that was under .500 as late as June 14 to its eighth straight division title, he received third-place support. ----

He was Public Enemy #1 back in May, but now that the team is on the winning side of life (thank God/Allah/Moses/Greg Graffin), he's on the short list for Baseball Hero? I love the dear man, but as much as I certainly don't think he deserved all the blame during the tough times, it seems equally silly and unfair to reward him for the team's subsequent success. Am I wrong, my delightful friends (never!)?

A while back I posted a delightful (but by no means instructional; don't blame me for your gambling debts now you degenerates) gambling-related article detailing the odds Vegas-type folks had determined for 2007 feats for everything from home run king to World Series champ. Of course, these odds were set before the season started and therefore before the entire Yankees roster started dropping like flies (see Plague, Pavano) and the inception of inexplicable phenomena like Balco B remaining uninjured (sorta) or the White Sox determining that beating even the Devil Rays was just not worth the effort, so as you can imagine the professors of Betting-ville have had to adjust their lines a tad. Some of the pre-season predictions seem downright laughable at this point (10-1 on the ChiSox?!), but a few seem to have panned out as expected... which category do your bets fall under?

First, let's see how the World Series picks have changed since March:

Team	Odds - March	Odds - September
NYY	7-2	4-1
DET	5-1	5-1
BoSox	15-1	3-1
NYM	9-1	6-1
CHI	9-1	4-1
LAA	10-1	9-2
ChiSox	10-1	7500-1

I'm sure there are several things I could choose to remark upon here, but with that glaring 7500-1 shot at the bottom of the list, I cannot stop laughing long enough to concentrate on anything else.

The next one I looked at back in March was the Total Wins line. I wasn't too intrigued by this line at first, but now that we can compare the way these dudes have actually played to the expectations of those odds-making experts, there are a few interesting points:

Team	Projected Wins - March	Actual Wins - 9/6
NYY	96.5	78
BoSox	91	85
MYM	89	78
LAA	88.5	82
PHL	88.5	73
LAD	88	74
ChiSox	87.5	59
DET	87.5	75

I believe these numbers are very telling, because I've been saying all along that the Yankees are way too good to have lost so many games and that the Red Sox are playing better than they really are. Obviously the Yankees probs won't be meeting their goal (and neither will White Sox, for that matter), but Angels and BoSox bettors should be happy that their teams are almost to their mark with several weeks to go! I do find it interesting that the oddsmen estimated that Philly and the Mets would end up with virtually the same record yet gave the Mets much better odds at actually winning the series. Perhaps they could sense potential Philly post-season failure a mile away.

Home-Run King is another fave for the gambler in all of us. Here is how sportsbook.com had the odds for most homers laid out back in March:

Player	Odds - March	Actual - 9/6
Ryan Howard	4-1	37
Albert Pujols	5-1	30
David Ortiz	8-1	27
A-Rod	8-1	48
Alfonso Soriano	15-1	22
Jim Thome	20-1	23
Manny Ramirez	20-1	20
Andruw Jones	40-1	24
Vladimir Guerrero	50-1	22
Barry Bonds	100-1	28

I find it pretty surprising that A-Rod's odds were only 8-1 after so many years of consistently high homer totals while Ryan Howard's odds were set at 4-1 after just one year. Balco B, on the other hand, should be either impressed with himself that he remained in (relative) contention or insulted that no one thought his odds should be any higher. I will say that the fact that I had to go to page 2 of MLB's top 50 home-run hitters just to get to Manny made me giggle with glee.

We'll have to take another look at these once all is said and done, of course, but I do hope that at least some of you folks will be making some cash come October. The Yankees Chick, unfortunately, will continue to be broke as a joke (sidenote: if anyone wants to, say, set up a collection for me [begging for change with paper cup on a street corner perhaps?] such that I can afford to actually live in this godforsaken city without resorting to eating nothing but ramen noodles and the occasional bagel splurge, I would certainly not object).

It's been a good year to be a pitcher in the Yankees farm system. Unlike years past when kids would end up rotting away in the minors awaiting a call-up (or a frustrating trade for some old dude), the Yankees many pitching woes and the unfortunate injury plague Pavano passed along to the rest of the staff have made a succession of promotions necessary. Pitchers who just joined the system a year or two ago have already been given a shot at the big league level, and while I'm sure the pressure and expectations can be a bitch, I'd imagine that getting the opportunity to pitch for the Yankees just a couple years after you finished pitching for your high school team would be something of a dream come true. Three of the Yanks most highly-anticipated pitching prospects were called up this year (among others of course, but let's forget about the whole Chase Wright debacle for the time being; thinking about that poor kid's shattered confidence is too much for my sentimental heart to bear), and the folks that scouted and signed these boys should be very proud of themselves indeed. Let's all take a moment to acknowledge the achievements of our youth, and, more importantly, to gloat about the fact that unlike some teams, we actually managed to hang on to our top prospects.

Philly Hughes: 2-3, 43IP, 5.65 ERA. Our most prized and tauted farm hand suffered a very ill-timed injury (thanks to the ol' Pavano Plague, I'm sure) and has been a little shaky ever since, but he's still managed to strike out 40 in 43 innings. He'll get into his groove, and we'll be seeing him for years to come, I have no doubt.

Joba Chamberlain: 0-0, 11.1 IP, 0.00 ERA. Michael Kay's favorite Native American has made quite a splash since joining the team. He jammed through the farm system as fast as the Yankees Chick trying to evade a drunken Red Sawx fan, and with good reason: he is SO F*CKING GOOD. His WHIP is a superhuman 0.794, and his control is great - just 4 walks and no wild pitches. I cannot wait to get this guy into the rotation next year.

Ian Kennedy: 1-0, 7.0 IP, 1.29 ERA. Seven innings is really not enough time to judge someone, but I think it is fair to say that his debut went even better than expected. He gave up 5 hits but only 1 earned run, and struck out 6. Ian should make sure to check his brakes before he drives anywhere, though, because Moose may have had to resort to sabotage after seeing the way his replacement pitched.

Obviously we have to focus on this year right now and getting to the play-offs (sidenote: in case you've been away from TV/newspaper/Internet/humans, let me assure you that things are definitely looking up in that respect!), but I must say that a rotation featuring these three plus Wang and Pettitte would be a sight to behold. Wouldn't it be grand to have a starting rotation we could rely on? I'll keep dreaming until it is a reality...