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This Is Not A Good Bedtime Story
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Gather 'round, children, for the Yankees Chick has a tale to tell. 'Tis a tale of true sorrow, of heroes and martyrs, a story so entwined in inexplicable mystery it will leave you pondering your very existence upon its completion. It is known to some as "The Angels Have The Yankees Number" or even "Couldn't You Have Predicted This By Now?", but I know it by its true name: "The Great Angels Mystery".

Long, long ago, in a universe full of pixies and fat dudes that hit homers without the help of anything more potent than a street-vendor hot dog, a team was born. This team, which was eventually to be known by the glorious moniker "The Yankees", seemed destined for greatness from the start. They found success year after year and watched their fanbase grow in spades as a result. They had the most fans and wooed the best young players. Everyone from doctors to janitors to musical theater producers was intrigued by the team, and seemingly no one could stop them. [cue dark foreshadowing music]

Years later, while the Yankees continued on with their winning ways unfettered out on the east coast, out west another team was born. Unlike the Yankees, this team, which found its home first in LA and then in a crappy neighborhood of Orange County, a place no one outside the far-superior LA-area cared much about until that trashed-up Fox show debuted, was not met with initial triumph. The team was owned by Gene Autry - a singing cowboy for christsake - and then by Disney, and while there is no doubt that "Angels in the Outfield" and all of the "Mighty Ducks" movies are stellar examples of 1990's cinema, the Hollywood crew did not make much out of their team. Sure, they had Nolan Ryan and a few close calls in the 1980's, but they only managed to win their division 3 times in their first 40 years of existence. No one much cared about the team. Even Nolan Ryan once said "I sure do wish I was pitching all these no-hitters for a team that will one day be enjoyed by a girl from Los Angeles named Maureen" (roll with it).

Late in the 20th century, the magnificent team from the east and this cheesy Disney-fied team from the west began colliding in a most horrendous fashion. Somehow, despite the fact that the Yankees were enjoying one of the best eras in franchise history, producing star (Jeet) after star (Bernie!) and becoming regular forces in the playoffs, the Angels managed to win against them. A lot. They began winning pretty much every series during which the teams faced off, including a few tragic season-enders (for the Yanks), regardless of the strength of the Yankees or the weakness of the stupid Angels (and I do mean STUPID; they changed their name to "The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim" - - first off, Anaheim is not in Los Angeles at all; second, "Los Angeles" means "The Angels" en espanol, which I suppose the team would know if they were actually IN Los Angeles amongst folks other than rich white people. In other words, they changed their name from "The Anaheim Angels" to "The The Angels Angels of Anaheim"). While the Yankees' legendary rivalry with the Boston "Seriously, We Are Totally The New Yankees Minus The Championships" Red Sox remained a popular feud to monitor, it seemed and still seems that the Yankees true rivals are those Jesus-loving (I made that up, but Angels and Jesus go together, so I'm impugning them thusly) Disney characters of non-Los Angeles.

Now that you have heard this frightening story - and please do accept my most sincere apologies, as you surely will suffer nightmares for the next several days as a result of reading this - perhaps you can help in the solving of the mystery. To my knowledge, there exists no explanation for the Angels' dominance over the dear Bombers.

The end...?

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Wednesday, August 22, 2007  
6 Comments:
  • At 6:01 AM, Blogger Adam said…

    I hope Pettitte and Joba cheered you up last night. Joba's really something special.

     
  • At 9:49 AM, Blogger Keith R.A. DeCandido said…

    What I especially hate is that the name "The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim" is exploiting a loophole and screwing the city of Anaheim. The city agreed to refurbish their stadium only if they put "Anaheim" in their name (they were the California Angels at the time).

    Arte Moreno changed it to that name so he could take advantage of Anaheim's proximity to LA (never mind that it's 30 miles away and in another county) for marketing purposes. But the people of the city of Anaheim paid for his shiny stadium on the condition that the team show the city love, and Moreno told them to fuck off.

    The fact that any Anaheim resident still supports the team disgusts me. This was reprehensible behavior.

    (I'm also still waiting for the Giants and Jets to stop identifying themselves as New York teams when they play in East Rutherford.)

    (I also want peace in the middle east.)

    (And a pony.)

     
  • At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Mickey Mouse said…

    I have an explaination:

    The Angels are a better team than the Yankees!

    ....end of story!

    They proved it in '03 and in '05 when they eliminated the Yanks from the play offs and they have a WS Title to boot from '02

    Wake up and smell the coffee and stop drinking the Yankee cool-aid!

     
  • At 5:05 PM, Blogger Hugging Harold Reynolds said…

    well done

     
  • At 11:40 PM, Anonymous BOBBY said…

    IAN KENNEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    22 YEARS OLD

    12-2 1.86 ERA 156KS IN 140 INNINGS

    SWB(AAA) 1-0 1.86 27KS IN 29 INNINGS

    TRE(AA) 5-1 2.59 57KS IN 48 INNINGS

    TAM(A) 6-1 1.29 72KS IN 63 INNINGS

    MUSSINA IS GARBAGE AND A BABY HES WAY TO TOUCHY FEELY. IF HE DOT FELL IT HES HORRIBLE. THE ONLY TIMES HES BEEN GOOD IS AGAINST BAD LINEUPS HE NEEDS TO GO TO THE NL THERE HE CAN GET AWAY WITH HIS STUFF.

    HE DOESNT EVEN GIVE THE YANKEES A CHANCE IN HIS STARTS.

    THEY HAVE A GOOD OFFENSE BUT ITS NOT MURDERS ROW.

    WHY NOT GIVE KENNEDY A CHANCE HES GOTTA BE BETTA THEN MUSSINA AND HES GOT BETTER NUMBERS THEN JOBA IN THE MINORS.

     
  • At 12:31 AM, Anonymous Khoa said…

    Joba really is something special. Here's a question, what's been the better surprise this season: Hughes? or Joba? Personally, I think Joba because we all knew that Hughes had electric stuff. Even Jeter didn't make his way up from A-Ball to the bigs the way Joba's done it. And he's a fellow Big 12'er to boot! Here's hoping he has a long future.

     
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