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Top Ten Tuesdays: You're Uselesser Than Useless
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
In case you've forgotten, Carl Pavano is a jackass. His injured body is permanently crumpled into the corner of DL-ville and yet his wallet continues to expand with the steady flow of cash being heaped upon him by Big Stein and the Gang. He has inspired such fiery rage inside my Yankees Chick heart that my feelings for him have actually surpassed anger and even disgust and instead lie somewhere in the vicinity of vengeful, spite-filled fury.

Last year, I explained that Pavano is far more than just a busted Yankee. His name is also synonymous with some concepts you might be familiar with:

Pa-va-no [Puh-VAH-no]


  1. A chronically injured baseball player: Carl Pavano has been a pavano for most of his time with the Yankees.
  2. A money pit requiring millions of dollars and offering little return: Wow, this old fixer-upper house we bought sure is turning out to be a pavano- we've been working on it for years and it's still not habitable!
  3. An unwanted long-term commitment: I had to sign a lease for my apartment; it’s a total pavano since I can’t move for a year even though I found a cheaper, more attractive place to live.


  1. To injure oneself in a strange, unconventional manner: I pavanoed when I tripped over a pile of cotton balls, fell into a large trampoline, and catapulted onto the roof of my dog’s house; I broke my left leg, 3 ribs and my right pinky finger.
  2. To disappoint people; not live up to expectations: I did not want to pavano, so I showed up to work early on my first day and worked late on a special assignment.
  3. To avoid manual labor at any cost, including inflicting injuries on oneself to disqualify one from performing said labor: Jimmy was sick of his tough job as a carpenter, so he pavanoed by intentionally contracting avian flu.

Say it with me now, amigos: Pavano es un pendejo! Normally I don't concern myself too much with the Yank's payroll - they have the money and bring in boatloads of revenue for the league, so what the hell is the difference to me? - but the fact that Pavano is earning money like it's going out of style year in and year out makes me sick to my stomach. I would rather see Big Stein spend that money on gold plating for his dishwasher* than have it continue to be fund Pavano's surgery-spree (break two bones, get the next one fixed free).

Yes, he's a waste of space. And money. Even more useless than...

Top Ten Useless Dudes I'd Rather Have On The Yanks Than Pavano

10) Royce Clayton
9) Julio Franco
8) Morgan Ensberg
7) Marcus Giles
6) Armando Benitez
5) Mike Hampton
4) Jeff Weaver
3) Nick Punto
2) Julio Lugo
1) Jaret Wright

Read Last Week's Top Ten: Tampa Dreams!

*I could probably do a whole Top Ten just on things I'd rather see Stein spend money on than some of these losers **

**Let's hope I never get THAT desperate for content***

***I have been very asterisk-happy this past week or so! Delicious!

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Tuesday, January 22, 2008  
  • At 5:36 AM, Blogger Billy Martinez said…

    I am making a solemn vow to use pavano in a sentence at least once a week. You might want to think about adding that to the Urban Dictionary while your at it.

  • At 10:01 AM, Anonymous Dave said…

    Well done! But you mean Jaret Wright at #1, correct? Not "Jared"?

    We've linked to this entry over on Pride of the Yankees.

  • At 11:18 AM, Blogger Yankees Chick said…

    Jaret, Jared, whatever it takes...


  • At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I almost feel bad for the guy.

    Eh, on second though... no I don't.

  • At 2:35 PM, Anonymous mets guy said…

    Nick Punto is easily the worst every day player in the majors. Then again, he is full of "scrap" and "hustle".

  • At 4:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh man....
    I had a 45 minute presentation to give today to several corporate heads, and I completely pavanoed it.

    This is great stuff Yankees Chick!

  • At 9:24 PM, Blogger Phil said…

    You crack me up!

  • At 7:41 AM, Blogger Matthew S Schweber said…

    I thought you lived in NYC. Did you re-locate to San Diego? Lucky you.

    As for Pavano, well... I try to show compassion for the mentally ill.

  • At 7:43 AM, Blogger Matthew S Schweber said…

    I thought you live in NYC. Did you re-locate to San Diego? Lucky you

    As for Carl Pavano, well... I try to show compassion for the mentally ill.


  • At 7:57 AM, Anonymous pavano rocks said…

    you wont laugh when he wins a cy young

  • At 2:45 PM, Anonymous Casey said…

    great stuff - of course Pavano could mean pain in the arse. Maybe that is too easy.


  • At 12:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You must not know many players nor much about the players you listed. Admit it. Your page is filled with ads and you are using your couch potato viewing of the Yankees to try and make a buck online. Get a life loser!

  • At 12:13 PM, Blogger Yankees Chick said…

    anon... so you think those players AREN'T useless? explain yourself!!!

  • At 12:15 PM, Anonymous get a life loser said…

    "get a life loser"? At least she's writing about something she clearly loves. On the other hand, YOU sit around all day posting comments that make no sense (do you really think those players aren't useless??!?!?).

    hmmmm... who needs to "get a life loser" in this equation?

  • At 9:26 PM, Anonymous Golfcoast said…

    I will definitely use the "pavano" in a sentence like when I hit my golf ball into the trees = I pavanoed that shot! I gotta read your blog more often. Tu eres genial.

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