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Don't Disparage The Good (or... something) Name of Jose Canseco
Monday, December 31, 2007
There are reasons galore that a person with a sense of humor could and SHOULD love Jose Canseco - his incredible appearance on Surreal Life, the fact that he met his wife at Hooters (the Yankees Chick's true career goal [if only they allowed non-synthetic boobs]), his heroic saving of a stray owl that found its way onto the baseball field in Texas, the alleged marriage proposal from Madonna (she's a Material juice girl! [worst. joke. ever.]), the legendary home-run-off-the-top-of-his-head incident, his brief pitching "career" which ruined his elbow, to name a few - and I for one cannot turn my back to anything such a man has to say. He's arguably the most vocal cheater this side of Gaylord Perry, and he has absolutely no qualms about outing other juicers or just speculating about folks he "is pretty sure" or "has a damn hunch - and my instincts are honed, man" used steroids. He used his 2005 book "Juiced" to call out the likes of Giambino, Palmiero, McGwire, and Pudge Rodriguez, explaining that he personally injected them with delicious, delicious steroids, and when the Mitchell Report became public he expressed just a tad bit of disgust with what he deemed the "incomplete" list provided by Senator "LOLZ constituents I tricked you into thinking I cared about your interests, muahahhahahah!" Mitchell. He's apparently been holding onto something of a stockpile of more scoop/evidence on players that he didn't call out in "Juiced" and now that the Mitchell Report failed to do the work for him, he's returning to the ol' writin' desk (I imagine he writes his manuscripts on an old roll-top desk with parchment and a quill) to produce a part deux, to possibly be titled "Vindicated". He promises that this book will have even more juicy juice evidence and is adamant that he has definitive information that my dear A-Rod is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. I like Canseco, love his willingness to rival any tabloid as far as vocalizing rumors, and could never see that goddamn homer-off-the-head video enough times, but I am having a hard time believing that A-Rod used/uses steroids. Luckily, the book is supposed to be out by opening day, so I shan't have to wait too long to verify the veracity of Jose's claims.

Obviously he plans to use the A-Rod scoop as his piece de resistance for the book, and I sure do hope that Jose is either utterly wrong or even just blatantly lying about it - either way works for me.

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Monday, December 31, 2007   2 comments
FanHouse Minute: Patriots Magic
FanHouse Minute is your 60-second rundown of the top five headlines of the day. Check back here every weekday morning for the latest.

Video link.

Read more:
5. God I Love Hockey Misconduct
4. Canseco Gets "Juiced" Again
3. Oh, Kobe Is Better?
2. LT Rocks Rushing Title... Again
1. Moss, Brady, And Some Celebration "Oops"

The lovely ladies of FanHouse Minute:
Mondays: Mystery Lady
Tuesdays: Kristine
Wednesdays: Miss Gossip
Thursdays: Yankees Chick
Fridays: Kate Scott

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Monday, December 31, 2007   2 comments
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year! (For HOF-ers)
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Long, long ago, when the Yankees Chick was a child* - back in the times that people had to walk to baseball games barefoot in the snow and and got around in horse drawn carriages - Hall of Fame elections were a simpler matter. Those lucky baseball writers with votes (um... by the way... where's my vote? If anything screams "legitimate, respectable, sports journalist", it's YANKEES CHICK) just had to check out some stats, think about the players careers and athleticism, and determine whose accomplishments were great enough to deserve a spot amongst the best of the best in Cooperstown. Nowadays, in this crazy world of drugs and desperation (oh yeah, and greed), dolling out Hall of Fame votes isn't such a simple task. Voters now have to take into account the fact that a lot of the folks on the ballot might have been getting some unnatural "help" throughout their careers to get themselves on that ballot (of course, even back in the olden times a lot of players weren't exactly on the straight and narrow, but I have to say that coke and booze don't exactly measure up to HGH and anabolic steroids when it comes to smackin' homers), which makes things a shade less clear-cut. All those old-fashioned benchmarks that used to indicate a sure-thing for the HOF - 500 homers, 3,000 hits, etc - can no longer really be used by the voters to make their choices easier. Voters had their first taste of "hold on a second, I'm pretty sure this guy is a damn cheater" syndrome, and now each writer has 3 choices when casting their vote: They can determine that, regardless of whether player was juicing, he is intrinsically talented and deserves a spot in the Hall; they can look at the numbers and decide that it seems that a player would not have achieved his status as superstar without some drug-help and opt not to vote for them; or they can be so sickened by the blatant (totally objective!) feeling that the person was a-juicin' that they don't vote for them out of spite. In the case of McGwire last year, I'm pretty sure that his low vote percentage was a combination of options "b" and "c". In a few years, the ballot is going to be chock full of more rumored steroid-users with the likes of Sosa, the Rocket, and Balco Barry (among others that I'm suspicious of, like Mike-a Piazza, but maybe that's just me?), and it's going to be verrrrrrry interesting to see who makes it and how many votes they actually get. I have a feeling that the voters that don't mark their ballot for Balco B or the Rocket are going to be making their choices more based on option "c", because they both clearly had talent with or without juice. It's a lot easier to hate Balco B than the Rocket though, and if they both turn up on the ballot for the first time in the first year, I would be willing to bet y'all some cold hard cash (too bad I have none) that it will be ol' Barry that has trouble, not the Rocket.

*AKA the 1980's.

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Saturday, December 29, 2007   0 comments
Yup... He's Still On The Team
Friday, December 28, 2007
It's been a while since I have mentioned Carl Painvano, but that certainly does not mean that I have forgotten about him. Quite the opposite, in fact... each time the Santanamania or "what are we gonna do with with Joba, I-Ken, and Hughsie? Trade? Put 'em all in the rotation? Use Joba's magic in the bullpen like last year??" questions pop up I'm forced to remember the fact that the Yankees still have that walking disaster on their hands (and roster). The Yankees have not forgotten him either (though all last season it really seemed like they were doing their very best to deny his existence and place on the team), and as Spring looms closer and they desperately need room on the active roster to add the players that will actually be playing and, you know, contributing to the team. The trouble for the Yanks at the moment with this situation - I mean, aside from just having to be associated with that beast - is that during the off-season they cannot hide him on the DL. The DL essentially/effectively does not exist during the off-season. All players on the 60-day DL, where Pavano has been spending his days, have to be returned to the active roster... and his presence, obviously, means that there is one less spot for a real player. The re-signings of Mo, Jorgie Porgie Pudding and Pie, Abreu, Pettitte, etc, have already forced some dudes off the roster - Bronson Sardines, Rasner, etc - but the Yanks know that if they could get Painvano off the list that would be ideal (I think at this point pretty much everyone would rather have anyone on the roster in Pavano's place), but they really don't have many options. The "solution" they came up with a few weeks ago was to offer to pay Pavano the rest of the money he is owed and try to get him to agree to go "rehab" (indefinitely) down in the minors. The moron balked at the idea, though - I guess getting $12.95 million to do jack shit when you have already done nothing for the team doesn't sound like a decent deal.


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posted by Yankees Chick @ Friday, December 28, 2007   4 comments
Top Ten Tuesdays (Late... Again... Always): Christmas Dreams
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Whether you celebrate Christmas (most of you, I am guessing), Hanukkah (some of you), Kwanzaa (a few of you), or just spend the holiday season being harassed by family, buying expensive gifts for others*, and wishing your list to Santa had been read more clearly** (all of us), I have a hunch that now that it's the 26th you're breathing a sigh of relief that the stress is finally over. Of course, the stress of BASEBALL is always with us - tis the burden the diehards bear - and regardless of the gifts you and I received during the holiday season, there are a lot of things left on the Yankees' wish list. With just a couple short months (!) left until the crew lands in Florida, there is not much time left for Big and Little Steins (oh yeah, and that dude the Cash Man that apparently has been locked in Hank's closet since October) to put the finishing touches on the team. Personally, I think the team is actually shaping up quite nicely (thank you, A-Rod, for not leaving us with a gaping hole in that 3rd-base-slash-power-hitter role after all), but I'm sure there were some things on Big Steins list to Santa that he did not receive. Lucky for you faithful readers/people that accidentally clicked on this while doing your Google search for "chicks that love Doug Mientkicantspellhisname", I happen to have a direct hotline to Big Stein's office, kind of like the one between the USSR and the US (sidenote: I have to say that I absolutely adore the fact that the "solution" to a decades long war was a telephone), and he dictated his Christmas list to me last week - along with some comments. He told me to keep it a secret, but I'm a bad secret keeper, so I'm going to share it with you!

Top Ten Gifts Big Stein Wanted For Christmas

10) Carl Pavano's head
9) Johan Santana (just give up everyone, I don't care)
8) George Costanza (he's not a real person?! But he was such a good assistant to the traveling secretary)
7) One of those beds Lindsay Wagner sells on the TV
6) The Florida Marlins (I will call them Yankees Junior)
5) The fine team of doctors over at BALCO... I have some work they can do.
4) That "farm system" Cashman made, so I can turn it into my own personal bank and sell it to the highest bidder in exchange for....
3) Raul Mondesi!
2) A DVD of that 2004 match-up between my team and the Red Sox... I never heard how it turned out
1) A ring for my 7th finger... no one knows about this deformity, but it is because of my freak hand that I am so unhappy with 6 World Championships in my tenure.

Read last week's Top Ten: Baseball Degenerates

* You're welcome, Dad
** YCLS (Yankees Chick little sis): This comment is not directed at you. You did damn good. In fact I am wearing one of the shirts you gave me at this very moment!

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Wednesday, December 26, 2007   5 comments
Monday, December 24, 2007
I've been rockin' this bloggity for over two years now (hells yeah my life is that pathetic and I have no other hobbies! Now you know the truth), and in both 2005 and 2006 I provided a showcase of the absolute worst Yankees-related gifts a person could give (or receive, which is far worse really) for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Pagan Sacrifice/Celebration of the glory of Bad Religion. This year, due to the Yankees Chick personal-life crap (yeah I know you don't care, jackass) I was dealing with a few weeks ago and then the brief but panic-inducing deletion of my blog last week (I know it was you Schilling!) the annual crappy gear post is a tad too late to help you with your gift giving, but it can surely help you when you're ready to return the shit your grandmother gives you or after you receive a present from someone you weren't expecting to exchange gifts with and then have to pretend you left their present at home, jump on the computer immediately and order them something to be delivered overnight. For some added "fun" (or annoyance), I've added a video so that you can see and hear my disgust with this year's picks as you gaze upon the pictures! Or... just scroll on down past the video and get straight to the goods.

1) Bobblehead Blouse. There is a plethora of this type of shirt available out there for purchase/burning, but this is the first time I've seen one that did not feature team logos or baseballs and bats. Nay, this fine blouse depicts bobbleheads of all your favorite players. This shirt is for people that want to wear pictures of players, but prefer looking at cartoon versions of people to representations that actually look remotely like humans. Don't get me wrong, I like bobbleheads; the cheery bouncy-ness of the oversized heads brings cheer to anyone's life. The problem with pictures of bobbleheads is that the best feature of the toy is lost in the 2-D format: the bobbling!

2) Splatter Jacket With Yankees Logo. This jacket is precisely what the title indicates: a jacket that is splattered (with what, I don't know) and features a Yankees logo (a logo which, incidentally, appears to have been stretched vertically and henceforth looks like the poor Malaysian children that made this monstrosity ran into trouble with their sewing machines but had no time to fix it because they had to meet their quota lest they be denied their daily ration of stale bread and parasite-infested water). The splattering in the picture provided by Amazon is unfortunately not as detailed as one might hope for maximum awesomeness, but we can certainly get the idea and imagine the bemused expressions on peoples' faces as they gaze upon a person donning this fine piece of work.

3) Rain Poncho. Anyone that has sat through a rain delay can appreciate the idea of a piece of apparel that will keep you dry and let you muscle out the delay so you don't have to head home or, worse yet, stand around in the concourse with 40,000 loud drunken fans (situations like that are the reason I NEVER leave home without a book in my purse). Poor weather or not, though, I simply cannot envision any person possessing marginal pride and/or dignity putting this sucker on in the presence of other humans. For starters, it appears that the bottom of the poncho was cut by a drunk one-handed man or woman with electric scissors that misfired, resulting in a jagged, un-hemmed edge. Additionally, that sweet V-shaped red border dividing the white top with the blue lower half appears to be directly folks' eyesight towards the wearer's belly button, which is always sexy. Finally, let's take a gander at the "arms" of this poncho. This thing is clearly intended to be worn only by people with stumps for arms, which really isolates a grand portion of the potential market, myself included.

4) Another Tie-Dyed Shirt: I featured a tie-dyed shirt in my 2005 gift guide, and I tried, I really did, to resist including another one this year, but I just could not ignore this specimen. What sets this particular tie-dyed wonder apart from it's cousins is the awesome and unique centralized tie-dyed magic and faded "pinstripes". The designers of this shirt knew that their product was going to be compared to the legions of similar shirts and pulled out all the stops to ensure that theirs stood out from the pack. They determined that a limited amount of tie-dying serving as a backdrop to what appears to be some pinstripes that have taken a few too many painkillers and can't stand up straight any longer was the best way to go about this, and to that I say "good work, men, good work".

5) Girly Heart Shirt: In the case of clothing like this, the fact that the word "shirt" is just one letter away from "shit" is very appropriate. As a chick, I find myself insulted every time I see a shirt like this (I also feel this way when I go to a concert and every shirt they have for girls is glittery or pink. I'm sorry, but no punk rock chick wants to wear a goddamn glittery Black Flag shirt). Why oh why can't manufacturers simply make the exact same shirts they make for men in sizes for women? Is there some sort of law I am not aware of that decrees that all clothing smaller than the size of an average man must contain either pink, glitter, or hearts? While I am indeed sickened by the designers of these abominations, it is the women that purchase them that should shoulder the burden of blame, for they are the ones keeping this crappy-chick-shirt business afloat. Shame on you.

6) "Hand Crocheted Ivory Gimp Large Snood Trimmed with Fire Polished Golden Beads for Women Offered in Combination with Sterling Silver Long Chain Necklace with New York Yankee Pendant". First... let me clarify that what I just typed there IS INDEED the actual name of this product (and I'm calling it "product" because I honestly am at a loss for what to call this. When I saved the picture to my computer, I named it "hat_and_pendant_thingy"). This thingy begs so many questions. Why is it gimpy - the poor thing was born with leg problems? Why is it associated with Snood, one of my favorite computer games? Why did they need to polish the beads with FIRE? That sounds so very dangerous for so little gain. Why is this demure (if hideous) hairnet paired with a bling-a-licious pendant borrowed from Jay-Z? And finally... why or HOW is it SOLD OUT on Amazon?!

7) Velvet Crested Yanks Blazer. This snappy coat has a few things going for it, not least of all the fact that it reminds me of several fine Seinfeld episodes (Jerry buying the Joseph Aboud crested blazer [with hand ticking around the crest!] from Craig and then trying to return it for spite; Jerry attempting to join the Friars Club, borrowing a crested blazer and having it "stolen" by The Flying Sandos Brothers; George's desire to drape himself in velvet if only it were socially acceptable...). It looks like a potentially flattering jacket and the navy hue is a welcome change from the usual black, but that's where the compliments end. I find velvet to be a very poor fabric choice for anything, be it a couch or a piece of clothing - I don't like the way light reflects strangely off of it, and running your hand against the grain of the fabric feels completely different from the way it feels when you touch it normally, with is not a good quality. The crest also looks very cheaply made, like the factory doubled as a manufacturer of car decals and they had a bunch left over and decided to slap them on their surplus velvet blazers.

Well, my lovelies, that does it for this rendition of the annual Bad Yanks Gift Guide. There seems to be no end to the bastardization of the good name of the Yanks, so I'm sure there will be plenty of material for yet another episode in 2008. FEAR NOT!

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Monday, December 24, 2007   11 comments
FanHouse Minute: I TOLD You The Steelers Were Hurtin'
FanHouse Minute is your 60-second rundown of the top five headlines of the day. Check back here every weekday morning for the latest.

Video link.

Read more:
5. I TOLD You The Steelers Are Hurtin'
4. Vols' Report Card: "I" For "Ineligible"
3. Tom Brady and Randy Moss Are On The Verge
2. Clemens Should Get a FanHouse TV Gig
1. Kobe Is The A-Rod of NBA

The lovely ladies of FanHouse Minute:
Mondays: Mystery Lady
Tuesdays: Kristine
Wednesdays: Miss Gossip
Thursdays: Yankees Chick
Fridays: Kate Scott

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Monday, December 24, 2007   0 comments
The Yankees Chick Is A GRITTY Gal Herself!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
As I read through various baseball blogs every day, I occasionally come across something I truly wish the ol' Yankees Chick had written or at the very least thought of and then been too lazy to write. The best piece of blogging gold I've seen lately comes via the Flotsom-Media site. On Friday, the geniuses over there put together a very unique and scientific new measurement of a specific and previously un-quantified stat: GRIT. Yes, grit. Writer Chuck Dickens's plan?
"I’m proposing a new composite statistic: General Requirements of Intangible Talent (GRIT). GRIT incorporates four basic components: dirt, determination, talent, and opportunity."
In other words, Dickens has created a stat to "celebrate" (or make fun of?) people that don't have much intrinsic talent ("I hold that gritty players are those who sincerely want to win or succeed at baseball (determination), but due to a lack of natural skill (talent), are forced to do so through the least efficient means possible, resulting in an excessive amount of dirt on their uniform.") but through scrappiness, aka GRIT, they attempt to succeed in the game. I implore y'all (like yesterday, I'm using "y'all" to try to trick southerners into reading this shit!) to read the full article and enjoy the glory of GRIT! He's got lists of the grittiest players in history as well as the least gritty ones - I won't ruin the fun by posting them all here, but here's a teaser: Biggio = gritty player extraordinaire, and the likes of Balco Barry ain't too gritty...

Enjoy the full article here:


posted by Yankees Chick @ Sunday, December 23, 2007   4 comments
I Could Not Be More Sick Of This
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Between the goddamn report itself, the subsequent confirmations (Pettitte) and denials (Rocket and... everyone else), the speculation about who should or shouldn't be allowed in the Hall of Fame, other people insisting that guys that weren't in the report should be on the list (Canseco impugning A-Rod), and everyone that isn't on the list having something to say about the dudes on the list (I am offering a bounty on Schilling's computer - whoever destroys it and henceforth Schilling's blogging "career" shall be generously rewarded), the juice craze has reached critical mass in the YC's brain. Before that list came out, I could not wait to get my grubby little paws on it, but now that we've all seen the report and realized that it was not as irrefutable as we might have hoped, I am just sick to death of all things steroid-related at this point.

Of all the people on the list, it's the Rocket that seems to be drawing all the attention, because with the absence of other big-name shockers in the report folks have no choice but to throw all their anger at him. The fact that his friend - and dude that shared the same trainer - Dandy Andy, admitted using HGH ain't helping the validity of his denials, but he continues to deny any involvement and to be honest I have to agree that his current M.O. of just steering clear of the media for the time being is probably the best move. Additionally, I would be willing to place cold hard cash on a bet that the man will be doing everything he can to pitch again this season. Any takers?

My other favorite post-Mitchell-report-shenanigan so far is Paul Lo Duca - one of the only guys that Mitchell had actual hard evidence against in the report - ditching out on his baseball camp for kids last weekend. I mentioned this one over in my FanHouse Minute video the other day; the story is simply that he had a little baseball camp set up out in Arizona, 20-something kids showed up, and Pauly was nowhere to be found. Best part? No excuse! Classy dude, eh? (That "eh" is to encourage Canadians to read this shit. Did it work?)

Now that I just re-read what I wrote so far, I'm most sickened with myself for caring enough about this to write yet another post about a report that I honestly don't trust the veracity of as far as I can throw it (and at 400+ pages and with me being a weakling, that really wouldn't be very far). Aren't y'all sick of it, too? (That "y'all" was to encourage southerners to read this shit. Did it work?)

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Saturday, December 22, 2007   5 comments
FanHouse Minute: Steelers Dunzo
Friday, December 21, 2007
FanHouse Minute is your 60-second rundown of the top five headlines of the day. Check back here every weekday morning for the latest.

Video link.

Read more:
5. Cycling CAN Be Exciting - If There's a Crash
4. There Could Never Be Enough Hockey Fights
3. 20 Mil Is A Pricey Gossip Story
2. Where In The World is Paul Lo Duca
1. Willie Won't Be Rushing Any More

The lovely ladies of FanHouse Minute:
Mondays: Mystery Lady
Tuesdays: Kristine
Wednesdays: Miss Gossip
Thursdays: Yankees Chick
Fridays: Kate Scott

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Friday, December 21, 2007   0 comments
Top Ten Tuesdays (Delayed Due to HACKERS!): Criminals Shriminals
Thursday, December 20, 2007
First of all, yeah, I KNOW it's not Tuesday, but as I explained earlier, this blog did not exist on Tuesday, so let's pretend it's Tuesday and enjoy a little Top Ten action! Today's topic celebrates the joy and hilarity that is baseball arrests - and much to our collective enjoyment, there is no shortness of criminals in the MLB!

Top Ten Baseball Degenerates

10) Bondzilla: Juice and lying about it
9) Pete Rose: Gambling (obv), tax evasion
8) Jose Canseco: Steroids, domestic abuse, battery in a nightclub (teamed up with his brother for that feat - family bonding!)
7) Sidney Ponson: Assaulted an Aruban judge, DUIs (that's plural) and subsequent jail time.
6) Doc Gooden: DWI, driving with a suspended license, punched his girlfriend in 2005, violating probation - and, of course, a lotta drugs.
5) Hank Thompson: Jewel theft at age 12, armed robbery, charged with murder (later dismissed as "justifiable homicide"), larceny, assault.
4) Carl Everett: Child abuse (along with his wife), lots of altercations with umpires, homophobe, believer in the bible and honestly does not think dinosaurs existed.
3) Darryl Strawberry: Domestic abuse (several times), illegitimate children, tax evasion, coke, failed to make child support payments, driving while under the influence of painkillers, filed a false report claiming his car was stolen... when really he had just misplaced it.
2) Denny McLain: Failed to pay off a bet and had his foot stomped on by some mob members; later imprisoned for drug trafficking, racketeering, and embezzlement with Anthony Spilotro and John Gotti Jr.
1) Ugueth Urbina: Convicted of attempted murder charges and was sentenced to 14 years in prison stemming from a 2005 incident in Venezuela.

Tell me YOUR favorites in the comments section!!

Read Last Week's Top Ten: Crazy Factoids About Olde Tyme Baseballe

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Thursday, December 20, 2007   11 comments
Back to Attack
Yankees Chick - the site, not the person - was out of commission for nearly THREE DAYS due to some miscreant/reprobate DELETING this beautiful baby (silence), causing it to vanish from the internet entirely. Who was it, you might ask? An angry Red Sox fan? A jilted lover? A family member that found out that I occasionally make fun of them on here? Tis a mystery, one for the ages indeed. Luckily the heroes over at Google were able to recover the wonder that is Yankees Chick (again, the site, not the person.... and since I was in a panic over this stupid site for 2 days, humor me and pretend it is a wondrous blog and you missed it greatly), so I am back to annoy you with a ton of content to make up for the past two days! Here's what's on tap for today:
  • Top Ten Tuesdays: Baseball Criminals!
  • A-Rod and Boras trouble in relationship paradise
  • Santanamania update
  • Some other crap about steroids or something
Thank you to all of you who sent me emails asking if I was OK and making sure YC wasn't gone forever - that means a lot to me; I like to delude myself into thinking this site is important to some folks!


posted by Yankees Chick @ Thursday, December 20, 2007   4 comments
FanHouse Minute: Poor Lions
FanHouse Minute is your 60-second rundown of the top five headlines of the day. Check back here every weekday morning for the latest.

Video link.

Read more:
5. From Pirates GM to Cubs Scout
4. Does ANYONE Not Hate Isiah?
3. Dolphin Parcells
2. 5-5 Isn't THAT Bad, Odom...
1. Lions Just Want Seven

The lovely ladies of FanHouse Minute:
Mondays: Mystery Lady
Tuesdays: Kristine
Wednesdays: Miss Gossip
Thursdays: Yankees Chick
Fridays: Kate Scott

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Thursday, December 20, 2007   0 comments
Pettitte Pulls a Giambino, Rocket Pulls a.... Rocket
Monday, December 17, 2007
Since the Mitchell report was released on Thursday and the world finally had access to a definitive and irrefutable list of players that cheated (because nothing says "definitive and irrefutable" like a report with approximately 2 sources and much of the evidence that essentially amounts to some trainers speculating about their clients), the players on said list have had a difficult choice. That choice, of course, is to either do some serious apologizing and groveling for forgiveness or vehemently deny the allegations and make excuses. Of the several Yanks on the list (blah...), the two that were on the team last year - Dandy Andy and The Rocket - decided to handle the public exposure of their dirty little secret in opposite ways.

Regardless of whether you've read these tales on one of the million other baseball sites and/or blogs (what, Yankees Chick isn't the only baseball site you read? FOR SHAME), you shouldn't be the least bit surprised to know that it is Pettitte who is doing the acknowledging and apologizing and Clemens that is the denier. To be honest, Pettitte's apology wasn't really the most remorseful statement I've ever heard...
"If what I did was an error in judgment on my part, I apologize. I accept responsibility for those two days."
Well... That's great and all, Dandy Andy, but I wouldn't exactly call that regret. "If" it was an error in your judgment? I'm pretty sure I'd call it an error in your judgment. If you're going to apologize, why not make it an actual apology? Even if you don't really mean it? Now don't get me wrong, I still love Pettitte, and I appreciate the fact that at least he had the decency to admit it at all, regardless of what he actually said. Additionally, I hope it is true that it was only to "rehab from an injury" (although I don't think HGH actually helps you heal, but perhaps he was misinformed? Tricked? Let's believe that) - that would make it a bit easier for us all to forgive and forget.

As for the Rocket, he chose the denial route - vehemently:
"Roger has been repeatedly tested for these substances and he has never tested positive. There has never been one shred of tangible evidence that he ever used these substances and yet he is being slandered today." (from Roger's attorney Rusty Hardin.)
He is correct that there doesn't seem to be any tangible evidence in Mitchell's report (and again, there really doesn't seem to be any concrete evidence on a lot of the guys on the list), but it doesn't bode too well for him that Pettitte, who shares the same trainer, admitted to usage. That doesn't necessarily implicate him, but if he honestly and truly did NOT juice, he is probably going to have to do a LOT of denying to get the world to believe him. Some folks are even speculating that the juice speculation might prompt him to come back for yet another year, so that he can end his career on a better note. Is that the best idea? Actually, it might be. I'd take him.


posted by Yankees Chick @ Monday, December 17, 2007   4 comments
FanHouse Minute: Boomer Ain't The Only One

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Monday, December 17, 2007   0 comments
FanHouse Minute: Brawls, Juice, Etc
Friday, December 14, 2007

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Friday, December 14, 2007   2 comments
"The Most Important Part Is The Conclusion"
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Ex-Senator "My Constituents Thought They Were Electing Someone To Represent Their Needs; Well I'm Just Assuming Their Needs Involved Athletes and Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eaters" Mitchell delivered his report and a truly riveting (and by riveting I mean so boring I couldn't even get through the full event) press conference, and of course THE LIST is considered to be the main event by most folks. During the press conference Mitchell tried to downplay the excitement of the list by saying that the names weren't important and that the true value of the report was the "conclusion" and looking to prevent such a problem in the future.

Blah, blah, blah. Perhaps he's right, but who cares about that right now? The list contains a wide range of player, from the obvious to the surprising to the "who are you?" folks. You can read the full list here, but let's run down the ones I found interesting:

Roger Clemens: As I said in my Top Ten Tuesdays list last week, I kind of figured he'd be on here. The blood of newborns simply couldn't be the only supplement he used in his old age.

Dandy Andy Pettitte: I suppose this one shouldn't come as much of a surprise, considering he and Roger do everything together; now we know that all that togetherness includes hypodermic needles filled with delicious, delicious steroids. Upside: the use apparently ended in 2002, so hopefully we can at least attribute his success with the Yanks solely on the blood of newborns and the love of Jesus.

Ron Villone: Wow, those drugs sure did help your career soar.

Mo Vaughn: I guess his fatass-ness was steroid-induced.

Miguel Tejada: Good timing on that trade!

Kevin Brown: Aw, I thought the "parasites" that he and confessed steroid-user Giambino both suffered and the rage that inspired him to punch a wall and break his hand were just natural physical and mental ailments. Guess I was wrong.

McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, Palmiero, et al: Donde Estan? Too obvious to make the list? Is there a separate list called "um... duh?" that I haven't seen?

Fyi, the full report can be found here, and Deadspin has conveniently gone through the loooong report and pulled out a few key pages, including a Paul Lo Duca returned check and some info on the MLBPA advising players not to cooperate with the investiagion, which you can scope out here.


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posted by Yankees Chick @ Thursday, December 13, 2007   11 comments
Tick Tock Goes The Facade-Shattering Clock!
The much-anticipated Mitchell Report is set to be released to the ravenous public this morning, and I am as nervous as if it were a list telling me my own children had disappointed me in some grave manner (voting Republican, perhaps). I think we've all made our own lists in our heads/hearts, but after we see the list today we'll be able to know which of our friends and foes we were justified in impugning and which ones we are still convinced are juicers but somehow evaded the list.

Bad news for me, already: #2 on my list of people I was praying to God Greg Graffin were not on that list, The Rocket, is on the list, and his dear pal Dandy Andy might be, too. Truly not all that surprising, I suppose, but disappointing? Absolutely.

I'm crossing my fingers that the list will be 99% vindicating - gotcha, McGwire - and only 1% soul-crushing.

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Thursday, December 13, 2007   5 comments
Top Ten Tuesdays: Olde Tyme Baseballe
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
For those of you that are under 150 years of age (I imagine the over-100 population - the few that know how to use the internet - is my target audience, obv), you might be shocked, SHOCKED I TELL YOU, to know that there was baseball going on back in the 1800's. In fact, baseball was quite popular across the nation and there were even bona fide baseball stars back in the day!!! What's more, based on the stories about these men, baseball was apparently the chosen occupation for the instable, the mentally ill, and the insanely unlucky. Don't believe me? Please, read on...

Top Ten Crazy Factoids About 1800's Baseball Players

10) Will "Whoop-La" White pitched 680 innings for Cincinnati in 1879.
9) After retirement, jackass racist Cap Anson toured on the vaudeville circuit.
8) "King" Kelly, who was
often accompanied by a black monkey and a Japanese valet had a popular song written about him: Slide, Kelly, Slide:
Your running's a disgrace!
Slide, Kelly, slide!
Stay there, hold your base!
If someone doesn't steal you,
And your batting doesn't fail you,
They'll take you to Australia!
Slide, Kelly, slide!
Slide, Kelly, slide!
7) Connie Mack was a cheapskate. He had a theory that a team would be most profitable if they started strong but ended up finishing in 4th place (
"A team like that will draw well enough during the first part of the season to show a profit for the year, and you don't have to give the players raises when they don't win.")
6) Mordecai Brown
lost parts of two fingers on his right hand due to a farm-machinery accident in his youth - but he parlayed that "handicap" into a crazy curveball (and sidenote: Between Brown and Antonio Alfonseca, the Cubs are probably the only team to have featured both a three-fingered pitcher and a six-fingered pitcher on their all-time roster.)
5) Ed
Delahanty was kicked off a train by the train's conductor for being drunk and disorderly in 1903 - the conductor said Delahanty was brandishing a straight razor and threatening passengers. After being kicked off the train, Delahanty started his way across the International Bridge (near Niagara Falls) and fell or jumped off the bridge to his death.
5) Hughie Jennings had some of the worst luck ever: he was once beaned by a pitch in Philadelphia and was unconscious for 3 days, fractured his skull diving head-first into an empty swimming pool at night (let's assume he thought the pool was full), and then fractured his skull again and suffered a concussion and broke both legs and his left arm in a car accident. All those head injuries were not good for his poor brain; eventually he suffered a nervous breakdown.
4) After retiring, Kid Nichols took up a bowling career: he opened bowling alleys and eventually won the Class A bowling championship at age 64.
3) John Clarkson was known to be extremely sensitive to criticism. Cap Anson noted said "not many know what amount amount of encouragement it took to keep him going." Anson recalled: "Scold him, find fault with him, and he would not pitch at all. Say to him after a game: 'Grand work, John, I will probably use you again tomorrow, for we've got to have that game,' and he would go out the next day and stand all batters on their heads.'
2) On the way to the park in Detroit one day, Ty Cobb was attacked by a couple of men. He beat on of them into such a bloody pulp that the man's face was impossible to distinguish and he was having trouble breathing. Cobb went to the park with a knife wound in his back, played the game and got a few hits. Shortly after, the badly beaten body of the man he beat up was found not far from the park. Cobb later told a sportswriter that he believed he killed that man.
1) Pitcher Rube Waddell wrestled alligators in Florida and had habit of holding up the start of games he was scheduled to pitch while he played marbles with children outside the park. He was also known to be easily distracted on the mound and fans of opposing teams would hold up puppies and shiny objects which seemed to put Waddell in a trance.

Read Last Week's Top Ten:
Players Whose Names Better Not Be On Mitchell’s List


posted by Yankees Chick @ Tuesday, December 11, 2007   5 comments
New Arm To Blow
Monday, December 10, 2007
One of last year's designated over-used pitchers, Vizcaino, opted to become a free agent a few days ago and is reportedly looking for a three-year deal with some sucker of a team (the sad/crazy/lucky part is that I bet he gets it, what with the black hole where decent relief pitchers should live), leaving the Yanks in need of a replacement for The Viz's very important position: Dude That Can Eat Innings And Henceforth Be Used Until His Shoulder Disintegrates A La Scott Proctor. Dr. Proctor himself isn't available since he's out in LA with the very man who destroyed his arm in the first place, so the Yanks had to look elsewhere for a destroyable arm to sign to a reasonable contract. The answer came in the form of ex-Rockie LaTroy Hawkins, who the Yanks just picked up for 1 year at a rate of $3.75 mil. He did very well for the NL East champs last year (sidenote: let's take a moment of silence for the fallen Padres), particularly considering the thin-air factor: 3.42 ERA in 55.1 innings over 62 appearances. He seems like a good pickup for the price, but if Girardi picks up where Torre left off with the handling of relievers, LaTroy better get in shape to pitch more like 90 innings in 2008.


posted by Yankees Chick @ Monday, December 10, 2007   3 comments
Santanamania Sweepstakes: Yankees Red Sox Mets?
Saturday, December 08, 2007
As I mentioned yesterday, I was out of the baseball loop for a few days and when I finally had time (after what seemed like an endless 72 hours of a total lack of ESPN!) to scope out the scene, there were several stories out there that made my little Yankees Chick brain extremely eager to hop on the blog and pretend that people care about my opinions! GOOD TIMES!

What's on my mind today is more Santanamania. To be perfectly honest I'm sick to death of all of this idle chatter and flip-floppin' and wish someone would just trade for the beast and we can all move on to the inevitable subsequent Danny Haren trade talks. Until then, though, we must persevere and obsess over the battle for the 2-time Cy Young winner.

With their boatloads of cash and tradeable youngsters at the ready, The Yanks and BoSox essentially managed to push any other interested teams out of the running a few weeks back, but as of just a couple days ago, the Mets might as well be considered potential buyers/traders themselves. Now that it is (at least) a 3-team race, let's break down the top seekers and how likely they are to land Santanamania.

Key players on the block: Melky and Hughsie
Roadblock: Twins want more - like I-Ken - and the Steinbrothers refuse to give up more than Hughsie, Melky, and a lower-level prospect. It seems extremely unlikely that the Yanks would agree to add other players to their side of the trade, because it was difficult enough just for HankStein to offer up those two.
Status: Stalled. The Steins don't want to wait forever and the Twins brass doesn't seem keen enough on their offer to make the move. The Yanks insist they aren't completely out of the running, though.

Key players on the block: Ellsbury or Lester
Roadblock: The Twins want Ellsbury and Lester, not one or the other.
Status: Stalled. It was looking close for a while there, but the Twins are holding out for more and the Sox are not showing any signs of buckling under the pressure.

Key player on the block: Prospects (like Carlos Gomez), Humber, and Pelfry.
Roadblock: Is a group of prospects, middle-tier young pitchers, and no big name players going to do the trick? The Twins probs want Reyes (who wouldn't?), but the Mets don't want to let him go.
Status: Unknown at the moment. Seem to be a dark horse compared to the Yanks or Sox, but there doesn't appear to be all that much info on how the Twins feel about the Mets' interest just yet.

So what's the verdict? It seems like everyone is stalled, but the Twins have every reason to trade Santana and little reason to keep him. Unless they sign him to a huge extension - which Santana doesn't even seem to really want and the Twins probably don't have the cash to make happen - they lose him after 2008 anyway, and with the loss of Torii and the Tigers beefing up their team, their shot at taking the division isn't all the great compared to the last couple of years. If they trade Santana they will wind up with a great group of youngsters at bargain-basement salaries and can create a much better team in just a couple short years. The roadblock there, though: Santana still has to approve any trade!

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Saturday, December 08, 2007   6 comments
Why Hello, Baseball
Friday, December 07, 2007
I've been incommunicado for a few days now, all tied up with some personal Yankees Chick affairs, and I must say I have learned a valuable lesson from these couple days: if one does not check the myriad media outlets for 72 hours, when he or she returns to Internet-ville to read all the baseball news, there will be a hell of a lot to catch up on. I'll be in blogging overdrive for the next little while to catch you all up on my worthless opinions on all the matters at hand (Santanamania, Tigers scoring with Dontrelle and Cabrera, etc etc), but let's start with a little virtual pat on the back for our dear Jobamania. ESPN Magazine featured Joba as their "NEXT" athlete in their December 17th issue - because of his obvious raw talent, already proven MLB capability (do not ever forget that 0.38 ERA and 0.750 WHIP in 24 innings last season...), and good work ethic. It's a funny little article featuring some heartwarming stories about his Lifetime Movie-worthy childhood (goooooo Harlan!) and some quality text-messaging. Enjoy the article here: Joba is NEXT!

More to come tomorrow... and the next day... and the next... Basically, you can't get rid of me. Unless you just don't come to the site. I guess that would work.

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Friday, December 07, 2007   5 comments
Top Ten Tuesdays: I'll Juice YOU
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
The rumor mill this off-season has been especially juicy thus far, with the lack of quality free agents forcing teams to look towards wacko unbalanced trades to get the pieces they need. If the hundreds of different rumors regarding where Santana will end up weren't enough (looking like Sox-ville at the moment, but I am so ill of that story that I desperately need a reprieve from pontificating about it for a few hours), the Mitchell Report will come out in a few weeks, bringing joy to the lives of all of us schadenfreude-lovin’ folks, embarrassment (or more likely a bunch of excuses and denials…) to the cheaters themselves, and frustration to the teams that sign or trade for those aforementioned cheaters over the next few days right before the report comes out. There will obviously be many names on the list that will come as no surprise, but I am not looking forward to the disappointment I am sure to feel when the names of some folks I really love and admire pop up on that list…

Top Ten Players Whose Names Better Not Be On Mitchell’s List
10) Joba, Hughsie, Or I-Ken (The last thing this team needs is the realization that the pumped up farm has literally been pumped up)
9) Julio Franco (I like the thought of a 97 year old staying in decent shape via egg white and protein shakes far too much to let that illusion go)
8) Paul O’Neill (If he’s on the list, we can blame Kramer for imploring him to hit 2 homers in a game)
7) Jake Peavy (I am a San Diego gal, lest you have forgotten, and have watched this champ from the start. No one wants to find out that a Cy Young winning youngster that will probably break all kinds of strike-out records [as long as he avoids breaking ribs in celebrations a la 2006] is not legit)
6) Joe Girardi (That would be a very poor way to start his managerial career in the Bronx)
5) Tony Gwynn (Surely his massive weight gain is due only to bacon cheeseburgers and fries dipped in lard)
4) Carlos Delgado (I would really hate to see a liberal compatriot’s credibility shattered)
3) Derek Jeter (If I saw this name on the list it would seem so obscene that I would probably disregard the validity of the entire report)
2) Roger Clemens (Bad feeling about this one, to be perfectly honest... all I can do is hope to God Greg Graffin that the way he has stayed in pitching form in his advanced age is by eating a ton of spinach and drinking the blood of newborns)
1) A-Rod (The only current player with more than a shot in hell at crushing Bondzilla’s “record” - if he lets me down, my faith in intrinsic athletic talent may very well be permanently damaged)

Read last week's Top Ten: Bestest Minor League Team Names

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Tuesday, December 04, 2007   7 comments
It's Not Santanamania.... But It's Something
Monday, December 03, 2007
As we're all well aware, winter meetings are underway and I'm sure you're all just as frenzied with anticipation as I. Day one has come and gone, and while no bombshells were dropped in the way of Santanamania or Danny-Boy Haren trades, the Yanks did bid adieu to one old friend and signed on a decent backup catcher that can hopefully serve as a viable back up for Old Man Jorgie Porgie as he further advances into his twilight years (of playing... not of life). Jose Molina, who joined the team in the middle of last year to replace poor sweet Wil Nieves, is 32 years old with a lifetime "backup catcher batting average" of .243 and hits an average of, oh, a whopping 3 or 4 homers a year, will be sticking with the team for two years. Sure, he is no power hitter and he's not going to be working walks like Giambi, but he is a solid defender and seemed to get along with the team swimmingly last season, so for a backup catcher - which everyone needs, particularly teams who sign 36-year-olds to 4-year contracts (not that I'm knocking that contract, I'm all for it and have been from the get-go) - we surely could have done much worse (sorry, Kelly Stinnet). As for that "adieu" I mentioned, sadly that was bid to Andy Phillips as he was DFA'd to make room for Bengie Yadier Jose. I doubt I am alone in having a soft spot in my heart for AP, but logistically it made the right sense. While no one wants to see Giambino manning first base all year, it is surely much easier to plug that hole (throw Posada in there sometimes, Damon if Melky is still on the team, one of the youngsters like Alberto Gonzolez....) than one behind the plate.

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Monday, December 03, 2007   5 comments
Another Year In The Mines
Despite the many reports from friends of Andy "Who Knew I Was So Damn Popular And That So Many Of My Friends Were So Damn Chatty?" Pettitte, the dear fellow will not be collecting social security in 2008 (neither will any of us, ever, but I have been told to keep my liberal leanings under wraps as much as I can here...). Word came today that he has decided to return to the Bronx to pitch for the team, though it doesn't appear to be known yet just how much cash he'll be netting.

This is great news for the Yanks as we head into the first week of December and the first days of the always-exciting winter meetings (all y'all in Nashville, keep your eyeballs peeled for some Steinbrother activity at the local $40-per-martini bar). A lefty pitcher was needed like nobody's business, and I believe the lack of Pettitte as a perceived option was making the Santanamania kick into overdrive. As for that potential trade excitement, the Yanks upped the ante by putting Hughes and Melky on the table to counter the Sox's offer of Ellsbury, but Hank Stein said that if the Twins don't make a decision today then the team aint willing to stick around and haggle all winter. Personally I think the Twins would be downright borderline mentally challenged to value Ellsbury over Melky and Hughes when trading away their best pitcher - picking up Melky and Hughsie for years when they aren't going to have Santana for more than one year even if they don't trade him seems to be a no-brainer to me - but whether they will buckle under Stein's pressure and make an effort to deal the boy today is unclear. One thing IS clear, though: if the Yankees get Santana, their rotation officially becomes frightening - to other teams, finally.

I don't really want to see Hughsie and Melky go - who would - but a Santana-Pettitte-Wangster-IKen-Jobamania starting 5 is way too good a prospect to let slip away. [Sidenote: I completely forgot about the existence of The Moose when I wrote this earlier today. I didn't just forget he was on the team or that we had him under contract, I literally forgot he even existed. Sorry Moosester. Now stay the fuck out of my fantasy rotation.]

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posted by Yankees Chick @ Monday, December 03, 2007   5 comments
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Name: Yankees Chick
Home: San Diego, CA, United States
About Me: Just your average 26 year old Yankees lovin' gal from the SD.
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