I told you I was back!

I mentioned yesterday that Joe Torre has a new book coming out, and it sounds like a doozy. I love Torre and admire his back-patting talent, but I'm not sure he made the right call in writing about some of this stuff...


And what dost thou think? Exploitation? Just the facts? Extra Xanax for A-Rod this season?

In case anyone cares about the personal lives of old not-a-virgins and sensitive sluggers, let me and my good friend Perez Hilton inform you that Madonna and A-Rod are lovahs and that they've been seeing each other for a year already.

I hope this is not true, because I do not want to be subjected to shots of Madonna's uncomfortably muscular arms and botox face every time A-Rod is up to bat.

Hello and welcome back to the world of YC posts! I am back to attack and here to discuss all the latest and greatest Yanks news once again. I apologize for the lengthy spell of post-less YC - I took a brief detour to the DL Resort and Casino. Twas poor timing, though, as I missed quite a bit of juicy topics about which I could/should have been bloggin'; let me make it up to you by offering up some YC commentary on everything I missed. Ready?
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A-Rod vs Cynthia "Classy Shirt"-Rod: The celebrity drama-loving part of me is relishing every moment and every new allegation of this hoopla, though I do feel badly for the poor sap. Going through a divorce is tough enough, and a public break-up chock full of scandal is sure to mess with ones psyche. I'm having a hard time believing Cynth's claims that A-Dawg has been messing around with the Material Girl, largely because I can't believe that any rational man could be attracted to those mannish biceps the lady is sporting. Have you seen those suckers?!
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Giambino and the 'Stache of Glory: The 80's pornstar 'stache continues to work its magical powers (note to Melky: grow one. Stat) as Giambi lays down base hit after base hit and even manages to not jack up plays at first base. The Yanks bigwigs have taken notice of the power of the facial hair and have launched a "Support the 'Stache" campaign encouraging us all to vote him into the final spot in the All Star Game.

Sidenote: Many thanks to Keith Hernandez and his Just for Men commercials, which have seemingly influenced Giambi to die his formerly blonde mustache a nice rich brown hue.
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Melky still sucks. Sad face emoticon.
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Cano, on the other hand, is heating up: His average over the past 7 games is .346 and the average is up to .252. He's still got a ways to go to boost that average up to the .300 I still think he can hit, but at least he's on his way at last.
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No C.C.: The man I most wanted the Yanks to grab at the trade deadline is off the market and in a Brewers uniform. Perhaps it is for the best though, since he would have been just a half season rental or required some sort of extension, which probably wouldn't have been the best situation given his apparent propensity to overeat and eschew exercise.
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Devilish Rays: The Rays continue to pretty much unstoppable. They've won 8 of their last 10 and worked a 4-game lead in the division (8.5 games ahead of the Yanks!), and at this point in the season the Yanks must be concerned about them. They're going to need a repeat of last year's second half, when they had the best record in baseball, if they want to top these guys and get to the playoffs. They've got a mini-series against them - 2 games - starting today and a sweep would be a good sign and much-needed confidence boost. What dost thou think - can they do it?
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Alrighty YC friends and foes - that does it for the news wrapup. Stay tuned for a Top Ten this evening... or tomorrow.

Bad news, kiddos: the Yanks have added another name to their growing DL list, and it's a big one. Everyone was hoping that A-Rod's strained quad could be remedied with a few day's rest like Jeter's, but it turns out he'll need to reserve a suite in the DL Resort instead.

Lest you have forgotten, Jorgie was put on the DL himself a few days ago, forcing the Yanks to call up Chris Stewart (who? Yeah, that's right) to back up Molina behind the plate. With A-Rod out, the team is going to get even more B-team. Morgan Ensberg will likely play third base, and I'd imagine they'll be calling up another position player ASAP. Wilson Better Mint is still out with those eye troubles, so he's not an option, and to be honest I'm not sure who they're planning on bringing up to fill out the roster.

Please, Injury Gods, let this be a minor injury and nothing more. No surgery required, no setbacks, and decent performances by the B-Squad, sure would be nice. Is that too much to ask?

If you were watching the game last night, you saw some good news and bad news. The good news, of course, was Dandy Andy's awesome and much-needed 7-inning start, which allowed the super-taxed bullpen to take a breather. The bad news, in case you missed it, is that A-Rod left the game in the sixth inning after he strained his quad trying to run out a ground ball. Like we saw with Jeter a couple weeks ago, a strained quad does not necessarily mean that the victim is destined for a spell at the DL Resort, but that doesn't mean it's not something to be concerned about. As A-Rod himself put it, "I have some concern about it. Anytime you have any type of feeling like that you have some concern."

While I certainly don't like the sound of that one bit - I'd feel much better if the answer was "Get outta here! This little strain is no big deal. Don't fret my pets!" - at least the timing of the injury is actually not too bad. He will probably miss a couple games just to be safe, but it is early in the season and he was actually going to be missing a few games starting any day now to be with his crazy wife (she of the classy "fuck you" tank top) when she goes into labor to deliver their second Mini-Rod (get your mind out of the gutter). Now let's just hope it really is just a minor injury, because Melky can only hit so many home runs.

...Jose Canseco defames A-Rod's good name with unsubstantiated reports of steroid use.

Let me state upfront that I actually like Canseco - he's quite the fascinating character, what with the playing record, a marriage proposal to Madonna, his Surreal Life participation, and the rescue of a wayward owl during a Rangers game. What's more, I think that a lot of his claims most likely are indeed based on truth; after all, he did host a delightful steroids BBQ (like an 80's theme party, or a slumber party... but steroid-aliciuos!) and was obviously right in the heart of the 90's steroid culture (like punk rock, or nudism... but steroid-alicious!).

HOWEVER! I am sick to death of his incessant insistence that A-Rod was involved in the aforementioned steroid "ring." Jose's second book, "Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and The Battle to Save Baseball," on the subject is set to be released on April 1st, and A-Rod is a featured player. According to Canseco, he personally introduced A-Rod to a juice peddler. He admits that he did not ever inject him but maintains that A-Rod was in contact with the distributer and henceforth surely a user.

This all makes my YC blood boil. I can think of several reasons to disbelieve his claims just off the top of my head:

• Assuming this meeting took place somewhere in mid-1998 - since thats when the steroids bash took place - juice use would would indicate a dramatic spike in performance. Not so: every year since his full-season debut in 1995 has been similar: high batting average, good OBP, high slugging percentage. In his numbers were '98 .310/.360/.560 with 42 homers, in '99 .285/.358/.586 and 41 homers, and in 2000 .316/.420/.606 with 41. Furthermore, his numbers continued to improve nearly every year since then, and Canseco's allegations regard past drug use; he has not implied that A-Rod is currently on steroids. If he took them and then stopped, we would most likely see a subsequent decline in power at the very least.
• He has not suffered from extensive and chronic injuries that go right along with juice usage - see Klesko, Balco B, Nomaaaaaaaah, etc etc etc.
• Where is that distributor?
• His head is not the size of a watermelon.
  

On a funnier note, Canseco's anti-A-Rod ramblings include something of an even more soap opera-esque nature: he claims that A-Rod was trying to seduce his wife. JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!

Related sidenote: I didn't realize that Canseco and McNamee disagreed on whether the Rocket was at the infamous juice BBQ. McNamee testified to congress that he was present, but Canseco said he was not. Interesting... thoughts?

There are reasons galore that a person with a sense of humor could and SHOULD love Jose Canseco - his incredible appearance on Surreal Life, the fact that he met his wife at Hooters (the Yankees Chick's true career goal [if only they allowed non-synthetic boobs]), his heroic saving of a stray owl that found its way onto the baseball field in Texas, the alleged marriage proposal from Madonna (she's a Material juice girl! [worst. joke. ever.]), the legendary home-run-off-the-top-of-his-head incident, his brief pitching "career" which ruined his elbow, to name a few - and I for one cannot turn my back to anything such a man has to say. He's arguably the most vocal cheater this side of Gaylord Perry, and he has absolutely no qualms about outing other juicers or just speculating about folks he "is pretty sure" or "has a damn hunch - and my instincts are honed, man" used steroids. He used his 2005 book "Juiced" to call out the likes of Giambino, Palmiero, McGwire, and Pudge Rodriguez, explaining that he personally injected them with delicious, delicious steroids, and when the Mitchell Report became public he expressed just a tad bit of disgust with what he deemed the "incomplete" list provided by Senator "LOLZ constituents I tricked you into thinking I cared about your interests, muahahhahahah!" Mitchell. He's apparently been holding onto something of a stockpile of more scoop/evidence on players that he didn't call out in "Juiced" and now that the Mitchell Report failed to do the work for him, he's returning to the ol' writin' desk (I imagine he writes his manuscripts on an old roll-top desk with parchment and a quill) to produce a part deux, to possibly be titled "Vindicated". He promises that this book will have even more juicy juice evidence and is adamant that he has definitive information that my dear A-Rod is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. I like Canseco, love his willingness to rival any tabloid as far as vocalizing rumors, and could never see that goddamn homer-off-the-head video enough times, but I am having a hard time believing that A-Rod used/uses steroids. Luckily, the book is supposed to be out by opening day, so I shan't have to wait too long to verify the veracity of Jose's claims.

Obviously he plans to use the A-Rod scoop as his piece de resistance for the book, and I sure do hope that Jose is either utterly wrong or even just blatantly lying about it - either way works for me.

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but I keep forgetting that the Yankees only very recently wrapped up a season of actually playing baseball. My Yankees Chick brain is very focused on the future of the team, anticipating what The Girardino will do or wont do, resigning Po and Mo, and frantically scouring the Interwebs every hour for new rumors or ideas on who will be playing 3rd base in 2008. However, there was indeed a season of baseball played in 2007 and if you haven't blocked out the entire season from your memory to stave off painful flashbacks of things like Pavano pitching and the team buckling under the superior Cleveland pitching in the ALDS, you might recall that a few of the Yanks played very well all year. Those folks are being rewarded now as the yearly deluge of awards comes raining down upon the baseball world - not just good old-fashioned awards like MVP or Rookie of the Year but the fun corporate-sponsored accolades (I still maintain that being named "DHL Delivery Man" should be considered less of an accomplishment and more of an insult; if I were a Mariano/Trevor/Paplebon/Etc-caliber pitcher I certainly would not want my glorious pitching to be associated with that shoddy slow delivery service), too. The "big" awards - Cy Young, Manager of the Year, and MVP - won't be announced until later this week, but there have already been some trophies (or whatever the hell you get for winning these... pride? Stack of cash? Free DHL service for a year?) given out. Here's what the Yanks have won so far...

Silver Sluggers: Jeet, A-Rod, and Posada were all honored for their work at the plate, and rightfully so. It is A-Rod's 9th Silver Slugger, Jorgie Porgie's 5th (and sidenote: did you realize that he is the first Yankeee catcher to finish in the top 10 in batting average in the league since Thurman Munson? Shit, I should have saved that for a Fun Fact O' The Day...), and Jeet's 2nd (another sidenote: I am somewhat suprised that this was only the second time Jeter has won a Silver Slugger, since he has had so many consistently solid batting average and OBP seasons, but when we consider that he was losing them to A-Rod all those years that he was playing shortstop I suppose 2nd place ain't so bad).

Hank Aaron Award: As expected, A-Rod won. Not as expected, though, was his snub of the event honoring him and Prince Fielder. Nice touch, Mr. Classy McClasserson. The man I spent 3 years defending continues to break my heart with selfish choices and disrespectful actions. Sickened.

AL MVP: Technically this won't be announced till a week from today, but with my excellent powers of intuition and honed psychic abilities I think I can accurately predict the name of the winner - and maybe for this one Mr. Classy McClasserson will show some gratitude.

Gold Glove Award: Jason Giambi was honored for his excellent defensive work at first base... his lunging is top-notch and he certainly never looks out of place or awkward there. Nosiree. Oh wait, he didn't win? You've gotta be kidding me.

A-Rod is gone (though not forgotten...although I'd like to forget about him), and in his wake he left the Yankees not only with a good chunk of freed-up salary dollars but a gaping hole in that #5 spot in the defensive inventory. The good news is that there are some peeps available via trade or free agency: Miguel the T, Miguel the C, Joe Crede, et al, but the even better news is that the Cash Man is steadfast in his desire to refrain from trading his beloved youngsters. Of course we are indeed in desperate need of a third baseman (I really don't think Wilson Better Mint is going to cut it, and I think everyone knows that) and will most likely end up having to trade someone for a replacement at some point, the very fact that the Cash Man is so committed to finishing what he started - building up a farm, breaking down Big Stein's legacy of old-dude-buying - is a delicious idea I want to savor for as long as I can. It is a strange and wonderful thought for a Yankees fan, to be able to watch kids get drafted and then eagerly anticipate their arrival in the big leagues and actually get to enjoy seeing their talents benefit the YANKS rather than some other team.

Stranger still is the sight of other teams falling into exactly the same habits that the Big Stein-run Yanks used to utilize while the Yanks go the farm route; teams like the Mets who have left themselves with just a few prized prospects and run after every big name on the market (Beltran, Glavine, now even A-Rod), or the Sox, who traded kids like Hanley Ramirez, Josh Bard and Anibal "No-Hitter at Age 22" Sanchez to get veterans and are speculated to even trade their remaining youngster Buchholz this year for another old guy. It's a crazy time indeed. Sure, we haven't won a ring in a few years. But 7 or 8 years to rebuild a dynasty is time well-spent if you ask me...

Top Ten Tuesdays are always fun times for the Yankees Chick (writing thoughts down in a coherent paragraph-style format is totally overrated and requires entirely too much effort), but today is double the fun because there has been so much going on in baseball-ville that I couldn't limit myself to just one list. Earlier today I crafted a sincere list depicting my admiration for that team of dudes that won the World Series, but now it is time to turn our attention to the topic that is at the forefront of our minds: what the hell is wrong with A-Rod? What are we to make of this? Is there a purpose to life? Where are you, God/Moses/Allah/Greg Graffin?!?! GUIDE ME!

Top Ten Reasons A-Rod Declared Free Agency
10) He and Torre were involved in a sordid love affair and he's fleeing town to get away from the bad memories.
9) Phil Helmuth came after him to collect some old hold 'em debt and he needed extra cash.
8) Cynthia was eager to show off her "Fuck You" tank top in a new town.
7) He was frightened - and rightfully so - of dealing with 3 Steins instead of just 1.
6) It's all a conspiracy cooked up by Boras and Stein: A-Rod will re-sign with Texas then get traded back to the Yanks, leaving the genius Texas Bosses to pay $89234890234 per year.
5) He gets a kick out of challenging the New York Post to create the stupidest insulting pun headlines ever.
4) Since so much of New York already hated him, he figured it was time to embrace the hatred and scrutiny of a new town.
3) He recognized the fact that for the past 2 years the Yankees Chick has been defending him staunchly to his every detractor, and it's opposite day so his method of thanking her is to opt out.
2) Scott Boras is a greedy, selfish, sonofabitch.
1) He is a jackass.


Read today's first Top Ten: Top Ten Nice Things I'd Like To Say About the Red Sox

It's been a wild, wild week, chock full of a whole buncha shit that I either wasn't anticipating or was just fooling myself into believing would not happen - well, that's not entirely true, I was somewhat expecting Torre to be outski (but certainly not in the manner in which it went down) - and my Yankees Chick brain is still spinnin' like a top.

The disappointment of Torre leaving and now the surprise and anger I'm feeling towards A-Rod (I mean Betray-Rod; does he realize how much effort I have put into supporting him and telling haters to shut the f*ck up every time they called him out?! OK, breathe... serenity now... more on that disappointing development at another time in life [AKA tomorrow]) have left me a smidge concerned about the future of the team, but those fears were assuaged a bit by my excitement over the fact that Girardi was confirmed to be the winner of the 2008 Yankees Manager Lottery And/Or Death Trap of High Expectations And Intolerable Scrutiny. The Girardino was my pick for the job, and I really do have high hopes for the team under his leadership, but his hiring has left another couple of nice dudes in the lurch: Mr. Pena and dear, dear Donnie Baseball. Tony could surely get a managerial job elsewhere - he was, after all, Manager of the Year in 2003 - and has even said he would be happy to stay in NY in a coaching position under Manager Girardino, so we surely can't feel too poorly for him, but Mattingly is disappointed and done with the Yanks.

Girardi was the right choice. More right than Mattingly or Pena, and even right-er than Torre, much as we love him. Mattingly would have been not much more than a sentimental hiring, chosen purely out of the Yanks' collective love for him, which, with the efforts the Cash Man has made to turn this team around, would not make much sense at all. What will become of the man, though? He has already said he would not accept a coaching offer with the Yanks, so unless he magically comes out of retirement and kicks Giambi's fat ass out of first base to join the roster next year, his time as a Yank is dunzo. Will he manage somewhere? Coach? Minor leagues? A tour on the Professional Motivational Speaker circuit?

Hey, if Torre gets an offer somewhere (LA?) perhaps he will bring his old bench coach along for the ride? You never know...

Last week, Torre turned down the Yanks' offer to stick around for another year as manager.

Last night, Scott Boras decided that the 8th inning of the World Series was a good time to announce to the universe that A-Rod was opting out - despite the fact that all signs pointed to a huge extension offer by the Yanks.

Last hour, word breaks that Girardi has been offered the managerial job.

Head spinning. So much to say... must... collect... thoughts.

Oh, and the Sox beat the Rox in a 4-game sweep. In all sincerity, congratulations to them - they deserved it and to be perfectly honest I will admit that it is pretty ridiculous and unfortunate that their accomplishment is going to get a tad lost in the A-Rod hoopla.

That said, back to the A-Rod hoopla. I am so, so disappointed my lovelies. I have made no secret of the fact that I love the man and have been so hopeful that the Stein and Steinettes would lock him down. Can we blame the Svengali that is Scott Boras? Can we blame the fans for making him miserable here? Or is he just a greedy bastard that wants to get the most cash he can get?

More to come. Stay tuned.

A-Rod has been to the post-season 7 times (10 series total) during his 14 seasons - 3 years with Seattle and now 4 with the Yanks - and he's come out of those series with the unfortunate stigma of a man who simply cannot get it done in October. His reputation as a post-season underachiever has mainly come about during his tenure as a Yankee, in large part due to the extremely high level of pressure all Yanks endure, particularly in the post-season where expectations are most inflated. Everyone from Red Sox Nation to the beacon of journalistic dignity that is the New York Post has jumped on the "A-Fraud Choke Artist lolz cleverz" and I don't think there's a Yanks fans in all of Yanksville that hasn't cringed with disappointment during at least a couple of his post-season at-bats. That said, I do think there's a lot of us residents of Yanksville that honestly don't think he's all that much of a failure when October comes around; in fact, if we get off our lazy asses and look at the numbers (wait, we can remain on our lazy asses - opening a new browser does not require getting up, whew!) we'll see that he has actually had a few great post-season series... just not recently.

Ok, he admittedly hasn't helped the Yanks' cause much since the 2004 season (maybe he was crushed like the rest of us after the team's choke?). Even taking the last 3 years into account, though, he really has only had one series where he truly failed to contribute: the 2006 ALDS, when he got just 1 hit in 14 at bats and didn't even eek out a walk in there. Every other year, though, his OBP has at least been respectable, and he's certainly had some impressive years slugging-wise. He ain't no Mr. October (and hey, even that dude had a couple disappointing series) or Jeter Jeter Pumpkin Eater, but what the hell. Sometimes I just feel like strangling anyone devaluing him because of a couple bad Octobers. His talent is unbeatable. Go mock someone else... Pavano, perhaps - I can absolutely get behind that.